In a previous blog for WCW, I highlighted how ‘It all happens in November when it comes to men: First, the whole month is ‘Movember.’ Second, every 19th November is International Men’s Day (IMD).

Halloween is October 31st in the United States, a night filled with costumes, candy, and community.

I’d never given much thought to intentionally creating a support system.

I had a few people I could turn to when I needed something.

It wasn’t perfect, but it felt like enough.

Probably one of the questions uppermost in the minds of childless women in the process of coming to terms with their situation might be something like this: ‘How do I find my Plan B?’ And perhaps a quieter, more doubtful voice that asks, ‘And what if I never find it?’

School’s out and the world shifts gears from parents nagging their kids to knuckle down and study for dreaded exams (yes, the times those of us without children can ignore), to family holidays, packed cars, ice cream smiles, playground laughter echoing throughout the day (the times we cannot ignore).

Attacks on my self-worth began early in my life. I instinctively knew that the messaging I received was unrelated to me and wrong; I found it confusing because the people around you only talk at you.

I was a thirty something childless person, then a forty something childless person and now I am a fifty something childless person. In each decade, my feelings have changed.

Being childless can mean that we get a front row seat on the pettiness and meanness in the world, just for being ourselves and being different.

I generally don’t pay much attention to marketing hype around days of remembrance.

If a computer breaks down or gets a virus we look at it logically and see it as outdated tech, in need of new parts, an overhaul, or ready for the scrap yard.

When we become permanently childless not by choice, one of our losses is that we lose the physical contact with “our child”—the tender moments with the beautiful child that we imagined in such vivid detail.

I just got back from a Go Red for Women event in Baton Rouge, Louisiana. Great music. Great friends. And stories that hurt but were inspiring.

I’ve tried writing this blog numerous times. Each time my fingers touched the keyboard, it’s been interrupted by a flare – a flare so painful, even extra-strong medication barely took the edge of it. A flare caused by stage four endometriosis.

Waking up to a stark reminder: soon another Valentine’s Day without a partner by your side, on a daily basis.

And there you have it - elderly, olderly, what the hellery- ageing. Properly ageing. Walking alone (with a stick, as do I) tip - tapping your doddery self along life’s High Street.  

Not having children is a life-long challenge, but we become stronger, wiser, and better able to take care of ourselves as we go along.

I see you sitting at home muting the rolling TV ads of ridiculously happy, rambunctious, multi-generational families hilariously solving some Christmas dilemma in under two minutes.

As the festive season approaches, many in our community find themselves bracing for the emotional complexities this time of year can bring.

Even the smallest of victories can feel amazing when you are childless.

Life has been busy of late! First there was World Childless Week 2024. Months of preparation, reading submissions and planning webinars that culminates in seven days of feeling relaxed but equally apprehensive.

To so many around the world, identity, fulfilment, and meaning stems from parenthood. In this pro-natal environment, the childless not by choice often feel like strangers in an alien landscape.

I am childless not by choice in fact I am childless by circumstance and I am in a relationship with my partner who has 3 adult children and 2 grandchildren.

This post is meant to fly in the face of those demeaning stereotypes that, from movies to media discourse to unpleasant conversations, tend to portray childless women as “incomplete” and “ignorant” for not having children..

In the same way that wind and water can sculpt and reshape landscapes formed of rock or soil, childlessness,as a force, is equally dynamic.

Last April, I brought together almost 100 people for the first ever, in-person Childless Collective Summit. In the months leading up to the event, I compulsively checked my inbox, scanning the details of each new registration that came through.

At the age of 45, I’ve reached a significant milestone in my journey of life and healing. As a woman who is childless not by choice, my path has been uniquely shaped by the challenges and heartache of my past.

I know we’ve all encountered comments that can sting a little, hurt a lot or just make us internally roll our eyes until they feel they could burst and visually show the ignoramus opposite us that their words are not helpful, supportive or acceptable.

La fête des Mères est pour bien des femmes, la journée de l’année la plus douloureuse qui soit.

For many women, Mother’s Day is the most painful day of the year.

Reconnection to who I was prior to realising I would be childless; and connecting to who I am now that I am childless, has become a big theme for me in the last 2-3 years.

‘Rising from the ashes’ is how Jennifer Aniston describes her current phase of life after IVF. This might sound dramatic to those who’ve never been in the infertility trenches, but that’s exactly how the ‘come back’ feels after ten, arduous years of back-to-back IVF fails.

Being late diagnosed as an autistic ADHD’er, I realise that my neurodivergent brain impacted my childless not by choice (CNBC) experience to a significant extent over the years.

March 8th is International Women’s Day worldwide and the 2024 focus is ‘Inspire Inclusion.’ Whilst this is an important theme, I can’t help but wonder whether there’ll be a notable increase in inclusion around the issues women without children face this year?

At Storyhouse Childless last September there was a ripple of agreement amongst the audience when someone suggested it took 10 years to heal from childlessness.

I rippled too.

Self-care

a day-by-day, moment-by-moment choice to prioritise our needs as much as we do those of others. It is about committing to carving out time (however difficult) to rest, play and nurture ourselves.

How small daily rituals can provide stability during transition times.

This year marks a decade since I came to terms with the permanence of my childlessness and the ending of an important intimate relationship.

Social exclusion and friendship wounds can be one of the really painful parts of childlessness.

The week between Christmas and New Year can curdle like an overcooked guest for those of us who are childless not by choice.

A single, childless, Christmas. For me personally, it’s developed over the years from a season of sadness, to a season of self-care (ok….sadness is still mixed in, that never really goes away).

The end of year festive season is filled with the buzz of advertising to families. Print, TV, online – most seem to depict children and multi-generational joy. So, what happens when one is faced with a life that does not include children, grandchildren, parents or grandparents?

It all happens in November when it comes to men. First, the whole month is ‘Movember.’ Second, every 19th November is International Men’s Day (IMD). Finally, on the 23rd November this year is the Men and Boys Coalition National Conference.

2024 will arrive soon, so even now, it is worth considering what it means to cultivate your inner Queen: the mature, wise, and confident woman you are meant to be.

Purpose. It can feel an elusive thing to find, and of course that’s because it is, elusive, intangible, shifting and changing as we grow.

Those of us who are childless know a deep grief that is one of the most daunting experiences of any human being. There are times when we may think we cannot survive it and times when we may think there is nothing to live for because of it.

I've always been a big reader, and a big library user. I have membership cards for libraries all over the place - places I've lived, places I visit regularly, and some special ones like the National Library in Australia, and the Library of Congress in the US.

GUEST BLOG - Mid April 2023, I was scrolling through social media, and spotted a post from my local Facebook community group. A journalist was looking for women in their 50s for an article she was writing, about how they had found ways of making friends.

A submission is the core component of World Childless Week, so I’d best start at the beginning…

We all know about pronatalism because it surrounds us every day and is unavoidable in books, magazines, newspapers, advertising, television, films, social media, at work, on the radio, in politics and at the bus-stop.

Only a few hours later I braced myself to open their return email, as surely such a hasty response could only be bad news?

…World Childless Week was missing, so I wrote them and asked if they would consider including it. 

I longed to be a parent: I had chosen their names, knew the stories I wanted to read to them, the beaches with the best rock pools to explore, the family traditions I was excited to share and the treasures in my house they would inherit; but I was denied that dream.

The last two years have created difficulties for everyone, raised questions that often remain unanswered, created barriers where none existed before, broken friendships and understanding.

Four months after our second and final round of unsuccessful IVF treatment. I decided to publish an article for World Childless week. It was quite out of character for me as I tend to shy away from all things 'Childless' while I processed my grief.

Have you looked at the World Childless Week homepage recently? If not go and take a look and then come back.

I presently have a shaggy curly mop. I don’t actually know what to do with it having never had curly hair before. Some days I love it but there are moments when I find it frustrating and really hate the way it looks. It makes me mindful of the hair I have, and haven’t had, over the last eighteen months.

I pick up the dove grey beanie, knitted during the UKs spring lockdown. It is soft and asking to be pressed against my cheek. A pattern of 13 circles, some intentionally incomplete, decorate the front of the hat from the edging band to the crown.

Yippee, yahoo, wahoo – it’s New Year’s Eve and time to celebrate!?!

Did I need to do that, NO. Should I feel the need to do that, NO. So what if it is the New Year, it is just another day, pretty much the same as the last.

In a holiday centered on tradition the birth of a baby, or a miracle, it's easy to notice the gaps and who is missing from the table.

When the thought of Christmas and its associated images triggers you to feel upset, excluded and joyless, there is a way to remove the power of those triggers.

I want to share something extremely special with you today. Something that shows not just the strength of sharing our words but the power and impact our words have.

Apparently yesterday was 'daughter's day' in the US. Having done a quick Google (as you do) 'daughter's day' is celebrated in India tomorrow and also globally on the 28th September.

Once Upon A Time... that sounds like the start of a fairy tale rather than reality but I can say (hand on heart) that I am looking for a “Happy Ever After” ending.

Stephanie Phillips (founder, World Childless Week)

The stories we tell ourselves and others give form and meaning to our lives. Psychologists know that how we make sense of what happens to us determines our well-being and emotional fortitude.

Yet when our fertile years are packed with disappointment, indecision, and strife, it’s hard to make sense of what’s happening. Our life stories aren’t following their proscribed paths. We’re different than people who are having kids. And often very, very alone.

Yesterday when I was in the middle of organising a newsletter for World Childless Week it suddenly clicked that it was Father’s Day for many countries this coming weekend. I realised the importance of acknowledging this day and the range of emotions it can raise for any man who is childless not by choice. Having focused on the history of Mother’s Day earlier this year I decided to follow the same pattern and look into the history of Father’s Day.

On Saturday I cautiously tiptoed, in my comfy shoes, into The Barbican for There’s More to Life Than Children. I spotted and overheard two ladies who appeared to be going to the same event and decided to follow them as I had no idea where I was going.

If you’d said to me a few years ago that I would be looking forward and feeling excited about attending a day about being childless I’d have given you a really weird look. I’d have thought you were insane and would have probably told you so.

But it’s now bizarrely true !!