Three women and a blog, “There is No One Experience of Being a Man”

The Myths That Erases the Childless Man and Male Childlessness

Robin Hadley

​World Childless Week Ambassador​

Before I start on the main focus of this blog, I would like to mention three women who have written about childlessness, who I think have slipped under the radar. Two have written about two different forms of childlessness - infertility and chosen, respectively. The third wrote a groundbreaking book on male infertility that, to my mind, never has had the recognition it deserves. These women are:

1: Jean E Veevers, a pioneer in her writing on ‘voluntary childlessness.’ Her works include:

  • Veevers, J. E. (1972). The violation of fertility mores: voluntary childlessness as deviant behaviour. Deviant behaviour and societal reaction. C. L. Boydell, C. F. Grindstaff and P. C. Whitehead. Toronto, Holt, Rinehart and Winston: 571–592.

  • Veevers, J. E. (1973). “Voluntary childless wives: an exploratory study.” Sociology and Social Research 57: 356–366.

  • Veevers, J. E. (1973). “Voluntary Childlessness: A Neglected Area of Family Study.” The Family Coordinator 22(2): 199–205.

2: Dr Patricia P Mahlstedt (maybe Professor?) and their work on the psychological impact of infertility. Her paper was the first I found when I started my MA in 2008. I can still recall the musty smell and my nervous excitement (OK, I was very scared) when finding it in the library and photocopying it.

  • Mahlstedt, P. P. (1985). “The psychological component of infertility.” Fertility and Sterility 43(3): 335 – 346.

3: Mary-Clare Mason. A stunning book carefully and empathetically explores men’s experiences of infertility across the life course.

  • Mason, M.-C. (1993). Male infertility: men talking. London, Routledge.

In a previous blog (1) for WCW, I highlighted how ‘It all happens in November when it comes to men: First, the whole month is ‘Movember.’ Second, every 19th November is International Men’s Day (IMD). They all have a common theme – they all are concerned about men and particularly men’s health and well-being.’ However, the focus of this blog is on masculinity and male childlessness across the lifecourse. Here I draw on Kaufman’s (2) argument that, “There is no single masculinity or one experience of being a man.” For decades, however, public discourse, academia, and policy have ignored this crucial truth. The experiences of men, particularly those who are involuntarily childless, are subject to significant and overlooked exclusion, minimisation, and dismissal because society attempts to fit all men into a narrow, singular definition of “Manhood”: ‘meneralization 1 ’ (4, 5) . This rigid worldview fails to acknowledge that the ‘ways-of-being’ a man and of ‘doing-being’ (6-8) is not a fixed, inherent trait; it is a fluid, contextual performance (9-11) . This fixed thinking renders involuntarily childless men invisible, treating them as “non-category” whose profound emotional experiences, critical health needs, and social identity are systematically dismissed (6-8, 12) .

1 “meneralization”; refers to the ubiquitous generalization of stereotypical assumptions about men in a way that diminishes the complex and diverse realities of men’s lives. Links to a form of cognitive distortion that builds self-fulfilling prophecies of men’s negative behaviour and contributes to the narrative that men are less valued, less vulnerable, and disposable 3. Seager M, Barry JA. Cognitive Distortion in Thinking About Gender Issues: Gamma Bias and the Gender Distortion Matrix. In: Barry JA, Kingerlee R, Seager M, Sullivan L, editors. The Palgrave Handbook of Male Psychology and Mental Health. Cham: Springer International Publishing; 2019. p. 87–104.

1. The Illusion of Manhood: Why a Singular Masculinity Does Not Exist

The assumption that men have an essential masculine identity is fundamentally flawed. Instead of a fixed essence, contemporary scholars across disciplines argue that manhood is a constantly negotiated social construct.

  • Masculinity as Ideology: Some theorists argue that concepts like “gender” and “masculinity” have become ideologies that do not exist as the “property, character trait or aspect of identity of individuals” (4) . Manhood is fundamentally “created in culture,” reflecting a dynamic set of meanings that change based on men’s relationships with themselves, each other, and their world.

  • The Problem with Hegemonic Models: The widely cited notion of hegemonic masculinity (13) - the set of practices that maintain the dominant position of men and the subordination of women - is often criticised as a static “assemblage of toxic traits” (10, 11) . This “ideal”, associated with strength, control, and virility-proved-by-fertility, is unattainable for most men, leading many to feel powerless rather than powerful (4) . The failure of this ideal proves that “masculinity” functions more as a strict regulatory standard than as a universal identity.

  • The Reality of Plural Practices: In place of a singular ideal, men enact multiple ‘masculinities’ (11, 14) .

    • Emergent Masculinities (11, 14, 15) (EM): This concept emphasises that “manly selfhood is not a thing or a constant; rather, it is an act that is ever in progress” (15) . EM highlights practices that are “novel and transformative”. For instance, Middle Eastern men using assisted reproductive technologies (ARTs) to overcome infertility enact emergent masculinities by prioritising companionate marriage and emotional engagement and rejecting traditional, aggressive stereotypes (16-18) .

    • Composite Masculinities (9, 10) : Manhood is further understood as contingent and fluid constellations of acts, attitudes, and physicality that men “weave together into coherent masculine selfhoods” (9, 11, 19) .

    • Selfless Masculinity: Even alternative ideals, such as ‘selfless masculinity’ (4, 20) - where a man is defined by giving and service - can quickly conflict with traditional expectations, forcing men into the difficult role of the “selfless breadwinner” (4, 11, 20) .

These dynamic frameworks show that men continually redefine what it means to be a man, even as they face powerful, conflicting expectations (4, 11, 20) .

2. The Unseen Thread: Structural Exclusion and the Empathy Gap

When society clings to a rigid view of “Manhood”, it systematically ignores the vulnerabilities of those who do not conform, most notably childless men.

  • The Second Sex in Reproduction (21, 22) : International feminist scholars argue that men have been marginalised as the “second sex” in virtually all areas of reproduction scholarship, including demography, sociology, and psychology (6, 23-27) . This is rooted in the “untested and unprovable assumption” (10) that men are disengaged from and uninterested in procreative intentions and outcomes (4, 21) .

  • Policy and Data Black Hole: The most damaging consequence of this assumption is structural invisibility (4, 7, 12, 28-34). Unlike mothers, whose fertility history is routinely collected at birth registration, men’s fertility history is generally not systematically recorded (4, 7, 12, 28-34) . As a result, childless men are often viewed as a “non-category” by policymakers and academics, meaning that their data are not routinely included in statistical surveys or reports. As I noted in my co-authored submission to the UK government’s 2025 Administration and Constitutional Affairs Committee inquiry, “If you are not counted, you don’t count, and if the people who do the counting won’t count you, then you are doubly discounted” (35) . Although I was being polite with ‘doubly discounted’, I meant you were completely f**ked.

  • The Empathy Gap: This structural neglect is exacerbated by the “empathy gap” (28, 36-38) . Political scientist Cynthia Daniels (39) argued that ideal masculine norms (reproductive masculinities) have systematically reduced and hidden men’s reproductive vulnerability. Men are socially conditioned to believe that vulnerability is a weakness. This leads to men’s negative experiences being routinely demeaned, dismissed, or ignored at both structural and personal levels (28, 36-38) .

3. Life Course Disrupted: Ageing and Isolation

The lifelong consequences of this societal dismissal become particularly severe as men age, creating unique challenges for the Ageing Without Children (AWoC)/Ageing Without Family (AWoF) demographic (12, 31) .

  • The Continuity of Discontinuity: For men who fail to achieve the prescriptive ideal—the “package deal” (6, 7, 40) of work, relationship, and fatherhood - non-fatherhood results in a “complex discontinuity”, meaning that the emotional sense of loss is complicated and lifelong (4, 20, 26) .

o Men dealing with this profound emotional experience often lack the language to express their loss, frequently describing it simply as a pervasive sense of "something missing" in their lives (4) .

  • Later Life Health Risks: The absence of family support is strongly correlated with poorer health outcomes as men age (4) . Older childless men tend to have smaller social networks and poorer behaviours regarding diet, self-care, and well-being than married men with children (4) . This isolation puts lone childless men at an increased risk of increased morbidity and premature mortality (4) .

  • The Care Crisis: The focus on mother/daughter relationships in social care projections means that the crisis facing older childless people - who access formal care services at younger ages and stay in care longer when they become frail - is ignored in policy (4, 6, 8, 31, 35, 37, 41-43) .

  • Loss of Expected Identity: In later life, involuntarily childless men grieve the loss of grandparenthood, a role which is a significant aspect of identity and often serves as a “critical buffer against ageist discrimination and prejudice” (4, 8, 32, 43, 44) .

  • Negative Stereotype: Older men, especially those living alone, frequently face negative sexualised stereotyping (4, 12, 31, 32, 45, 46) . The fear of being viewed as a paedophile can prevent involuntarily childless men from interacting with children and forming crucial intergenerational relationships.

To achieve genuine social justice and provide adequate support across the life course, society must discard the mythical, singular definition of “manhood.” It is essential to develop systems and discourses that acknowledge the dynamism, diversity, and vulnerability inherent to all men’s experiences.

References:

1. Hadley RA. World Childless Week [Internet]: World Childless Week. 2023. Available from: https://bit.ly/49LTYLI.

2. Kaufman M. Men, Feminisim, and Men’s Contradictory Experiences of Power. In: Brod H, Kaufman M, editors. Theorizing masculinities. Thousand Oaks, CA: SAGE Publications; 1994. p. 142–63.

3. Seager M, Barry JA. Cognitive Distortion in Thinking About Gender Issues: Gamma Bias and the Gender Distortion Matrix. In: Barry JA, Kingerlee R, Seager M, Sullivan L, editors. The Palgrave Handbook of Male Psychology and Mental Health. Cham: Springer International Publishing; 2019. p. 87–104.

4. Hadley RA. How is a man supposed to be a man? Male childlessness - a Life Course Disrupted. New York: Berghahn Books; 2021.

5. Culley L, Hudson N, Lohan M. Where are all the men? The marginalization of men in social scientific research on infertility. Reproductive biomedicine online. 2013;27(3):225–35.

6. Hadley RA, Mumford C, Carroll M, Wilkinson K. Reproductive capital: theoretical foundations and empirical evidence from the workplace. Frontiers in Sociology. 2025;10.

7. Hadley RA. Muted Voices of Invisible Men: The Impact of Male Childlessness. In: Wilkinson K, Woolnough H, editors. Work-Life Inclusion: Broadening Perspectives Across the Life-Course. Leeds, UK: Emerald Publishing Limited; 2024. p. 135–46.

8. Hadley RA. ‘No longer invincible’: the impact of involuntary childlessness on older men. Physical Therapy Reviews. 2021:1–16.

9. Wentzell EA. Maturing Masculinities: Aging, Chronic Illness, and Viagra in Mexico: Duke University Press; 2013.

10. Wentzell EA, Inhorn MC. Masculinities: The Male Reproductive Body. In: Mascia-Lees FE, editor. A Companion to the Anthropology of the Body and Embodiment. Chichester: Wiley-Blackwell; 2011. p. 307–19.

11. Inhorn MC, Wentzell EA. Embodying emergent masculinities: Men engaging with reproductive and sexual health technologies in the Middle East and Mexico. American Ethnologist. 2011;38(4):801–15.

12. Hadley RA. Ageing Without Children, gender and social justice. In: Westwood S, editor. Ageing, Diversity and Equality: Social justice perspectives. Abingdon: Routledge; 2018. p. 66–81.

13. Connell RW, Messerschmidt JW. Hegemonic Masculinity. Gender & Society. 2005;19(6):829–59.

14. Kahn LG, Chavkin W. The High-Tech Homunculus: New Science, Old Constructs. In: Inhorn MC, Chavkin W, Navarro J-A, editors. Globalized Fatherhood. New York: Berghahn Books; 2014. p. 197–220.

15. Inhorn MC, Chavkrin W, Navarro J-A, editors. Globalised Fatherhood. New York: Berghahn Books; 2016.

16. Inhorn MC, Patrizio P. Infertility around the globe: new thinking on gender, reproductive technologies and global movements in the 21st century. Human Reproduction Update. 2015;21(4):411–26.

17. Inhorn MC, Chavkin W, Navarro J-A. Globalized Fatherhood. New York: Berghahn Books; 2014.

18. Inhorn MC. The New Arab Man. Emergent Masculinities, Technologies, and Islam in the Middle East. Princeton, NJ: Princeton University Press; 2012.

19. Wentzell E, Erol M, AciksöZ S. Anthropologies Of Men, Masculinities, And Reproduction. A Companion to the Anthropology of Reproductive Medicine and Technology2023. p. 201–18.

20. Daniels NM, Chadwick RJ. Doing homebirth like a man? Constructions of masculinity in South African men’s narratives of homebirth. Journal of Gender Studies. 2018;27(6):725–39.

21. Inhorn MC, Tjørnhøj-Thomsen T, Goldberg H, la Cour Mosegard M. The Second Sex in Reproduction? Men, Sexuality, and Masculinity. In: Inhorn MC, Tjørnhøj-Thomsen T, Goldberg H, la Cour Mosegard M, editors. Reconceiving the Second Sex: Men, Masculinity, and Reproduction. New York: Berghahn Books; 2009. p. 1–17.

22. Inhorn MC, Tjørnhøj-Thomsen T, Goldberg H, la Cour Mosegard M, editors. Reconceiving the Second Sex: Men, Masculinity, and Reproduction. New York: Berghahn Books; 2009.

23. Culley L, Hudson N, Lohan M. Where are all the men? The marginalization of men in social scientific research on infertility. Reproductive biomedicine online. 2013;27(3):225–35.

24. Lohan M. Advancing Research on Men and Reproduction. International Journal of Men’s Health. 2015;14(3):214–32.

25. Hadley RA. The impact of male involuntary childlessness. Psychreg Journal of Psychology. 2019;3(2):58–64.

26. Hadley RA, Newby C, Barry JA. Anxious childhood attachment predicts childlessness in later life. Psychreg Journal of Psychology. 2019;3(3):7–27.

27. Hadley RA. Deconstructing Dad. In: Barry JA, Kingerlee R, Seager M, Sullivan L, editors. The Palgrave Handbook of Male Psychology and Mental Health. Cham: Palgrave Macmillan; 2019. p. 47–66.

28. Hadley RA. Men’s Health Strategy: Understanding and identifying areas where we can improve support for healthier behaviours. In: Department of Health & Social Care, editor. Men’s Health Strategy for England: call for evidence. London: Department of Health & Social Care, 2025. p.9.

29. Hadley RA. Updates: Older People’s Commissioner for Wales [Internet]. Cardiff: Older People’s Commissioner for Wales. 2025. Available from: https://olderpeople.wales/news/guest-blog-pawss-for-thought-the-hidden-mawfia-men-ageing-without-family-isolated-and-alienated/.

30. Hadley RA. Ageing Issues [Internet]. London: British Society of Gerontology. 2023. Available from: https://bit.ly/44WOg6T.

31. Hadley RA, editor The impact of male involuntary childlessness on men’s health across the life course: implications for individuals, healthcare providers and practitioners. Men’s Health World Congress; 2023; Kuching, Sarawak, Malayasia: Journal of Men’s Health; 2023.

32. Hadley RA. “I’m missing out and I think I have something to give”: experiences of older involuntarily childless men. Working with Older People. 2018;22(2):83–92.

33. Hadley RA. The lived experience of older involuntary childless men. The Annual Journal of the British Sociological Association Study Group on Auto/Biography 2017. 2018:93–108.

34. Hadley RA, Hanley TS. Involuntarily childless men and the desire for fatherhood. Journal of Reproductive and Infant Psychology. 2011;29(1):56–68.

35. Evidence of absence: The Critical Data Gap on People Ageing Without Children in UK Statistics: Hearing before the Administration and Constitutional Affairs Committee inquiry, ‘The work of the UK Statistics Authority’(12th May, 2025).

36. Collins W. The Empathy Gap. Male Disadvantage and the Mecahnisms of Their Neglect. Ipspublishing.wordpress.com: Ipspublishing; 2019.

37. Hadley RA. Ageing Issues [Internet]. London: British Society of Gerontology. 2025. Available from: https://ageingissues.wordpress.com/2025/09/08/paws-for-thought-the-hidden-mawfia-men-ageing-without-family-isolated-and-alienated/.

38. Hadley RA. Ageing Issues [Internet]. London: British Society of Gerontology. 2023. Available from: https://ageingissues.wordpress.com/2023/02/24/the-reflective-call-of-carers-ageing-without-children-and-or-family-who-will-be-there-for-me-when-i-need-it/.

39. Daniels CR. Exposing Men: The Science and Politics of Male Reproduction. New York: Oxford University Press; 2006.

40. Townsend NW. The Package Deal: Marriage, Work and Fatherhood in Men’s Lives. Philadelphia: Temple University Press; 2002.

41. Hadley RA. Your Voices [Internet]. Watts T, editor. London: Age Action Alliance. 2023. Available from: https://bit.ly/3zDxpYM.

42. Hadley RA. Medium [Internet]. Online: Medium. 2023. Available from: https://drrobinahadley.medium.com/the-avoided-and-excluded-knowns-people-ageing-without-children-family-dfcff0141483.

43. Hadley RA. ‘It’s most of my life – going to the pub or the group’: the social networks ofinvoluntarily childless older men. Ageing and Society. 2021;41(1):51–76.

44. Hadley RA. Male broodiness: Does the desire for fatherhood affect men? Psychreg Journal of Psychology. 2020;4(3):67–89.

45. The invisible older men (written evidence: ASC0002): Hearing before the House of Lords Select Committee on Adult Social Care(8th December 2022, 2022).

46. Hadley RA. Men and me(n). Methodological Innovations. 2020;13(2):1–11.