Yippee, yahoo, wahoo – it’s New Year’s Eve and time to celebrate!?!
Did I need to do that, NO. Should I feel the need to do that, NO. So what if it is the New Year, it is just another day, pretty much the same as the last. Twenty four hours that contain a morning, afternoon and night, times to sleep and times to eat, chores to do or ignore. Yep, sounds very similar to yesterday and I’m pretty sure it is the way tomorrow falls into place. Perhaps I should pull up some of the weeds in the garden, reply to the emails I know are lurking in my in-box or get a load in the washing machine. Or maybe I’ll just watch the birds in the garden, ignore the emails whilst playing a game on my mobile and stay in my P.J’s for another day?
Yesterday, today and tomorrow are just days: they don’t need to have labels. They don’t need to dictate how we should feel or how we should react. Why do we feel the need to hold onto a date, etch it into our conscious and subconscious? Memories don’t need a date, memories live in our hearts and our heads and we can celebrate the good moments and contemplate the sad ones whenever we want, whenever they come to the forefront of our thoughts. Placing pressure to be happy or sad when a calendar dictates is something we don’t need to do. We don’t need to fall in line with societal expectations if we don’t want to.
We can choose to do what feels right for us at any given moment in time, on any given day.
Our emotions are free to rise and ebb without a timetable.
We all know the in’s and out’s of what has happened over the last twelve months and I’ve seen multiple posts from people who will be glad to put 2020 behind us. There is nothing wrong with that viewpoint, but there is also nothing wrong with going against the general public opinion and saying that 2020 wasn’t actually such a bad year, or even that aspects of the year were good and hold positive memories. You may think it is absurd to suggest someone found positives of 2020 but this is where I hold my hand up and say that despite a couple of niggles it’s personally been a good year.
You may think I’m mad but read on...
Over this year I’ve had chemotherapy, radiotherapy, been bald, shielded since the beginning of March, only been out of the house to see doctors and nurses, not seen my mum since January when she visited me in hospital because of sepsis or the rest of my family since Christmas 2019 and discovered I have a heart condition.
Now you really think I’m mad but there is more...
I have felt loved. I have felt supported. I have received treatment. I have laughed with family via Zoom chats (and won most of the quiz nights)!! I have been strong enough to organise World Childless Week and seen men and women find their childless voice. I have witnessed the strength, determination and support grow within the childless community. I was nominated for a “most inspirational” award of the Inspiration Awards 2020. I didn’t win, but I was shortlisted and that feels like a win in my heart. I have seen people stand up together around the world to speak out and start making a difference. Through the sadness and the difficulties I can see the positives.
I know I am lucky to feel like this because for many there has been deep sorrow and struggles. I know circumstances can sometimes dictate scenario’s we cannot avoid but I want to put it forward that you can decide what dates are and are not important to you. You can decide if you want to celebrate the New Year or not. You can look at a calendar and skim past the days with pre-designed titles and instead see a bunch of days that are open to your own interpretation.
One last thought to mention is New Year Resolutions. They are another way to help us feel like we’ve failed, so why make one? Unless you want to join me with a resolution I made years ago and have kept to 100% and know you can too. Curious?
My New Year’s resolution was...
“I will NEVER make another New Year’s resolution”
What I am trying to suggest is that we don’t have to follow the crowd; even when we feel like we are the only person who is going against the flow. As individuals we can make a conscious choice to do what keeps our hearts calm and at peace.
Stephanie Phillips
World Childless Week
Photo by William Krause on Unsplash