Catherine-Emmanuelle Delisle
World Childless Week Ambassador
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For many women, Mother’s Day is the most painful day of the year. It’s that annual boomerang in their face” moment that reminds them that society and the media relentlessly continue to promote what I call “pedestal motherhood”. It is this motherhood, iteratively presented as the quintessence of a woman’s self-fulfilment, the supreme goal to be reached in order to become complete, the insurance policy for a happiness that will drip like sweet nectar over the decades to come, the proven anti-solitude guarantee for old age, that makes childless women suffer in mourning. They’ve been telling me, writing to me and confiding in me daily for years about this, online and now in therapy.
This idealized representation of motherhood was exacerbated in part by shock images in the early 90s. Remember that Vanity Fair cover featuring Demi Moore, naked and pregnant? This photo by Annie Leibovitz is one of the most famous covers of all time. A multitude of similar images followed over the years. This uninhibited display of maternity certainly echoed a need for women: to normalize the shocking passage of motherhood and help them see their beauty and power through this extreme transformation of their bodies.
However, it takes an ironclad moral force not to be moved by the sight of these front pages featuring these women: entrepreneurs, artists, presenters, researchers, influencers, but “moms above all”. They repeat it without hesitation: nothing comes close to being a mom! It’s almost impossible not to in-still in the minds and hearts of childless women that, no matter what they do, they’ll have to be satisfied with being awarded the bronze medal of social recognition. A marginal experience, you may say. It couldn’t be further from the truth. The proof: more and more women are getting together online to talk about their experiences, through private groups, blogs and podcasts, and World Childless Week.
So what do these women need as Mother’s Day approaches, you ask?
To feel they belong: to a group of friends, colleagues, extended family, neighbours, gardeners, collectors, knitters, enthusiasts, lovers, defenders, sportswomen, contemplatives.
To feel included: in conversations, in parties, in families, in magazines, in stories, in films, in workplaces, in politics, in feminism.
To feel recognized and accepted for: their gifts, their commitment, the value of their time, their volunteering, their care giving, their choices, their losses, their grief, their challenges, their realities, their limits.
But above all, what they need are relationships marked by listening, respect, importance and consideration.
