Anne Xavier Altamore
World Childless Week Ambassador
To so many around the world, identity, fulfilment, and meaning stems from parenthood. In this pro-natal environment, the childless not by choice often feel like strangers in an alien landscape. Things look and feel familiar but so often we do not belong. We are unable to contribute to child-centric conversations, and if we do, we may be looked at with a “what do you know, you don’t have children” look. For those of us on the fertility roller coaster, we may face a friendship apocalypse as people find it too difficult to be around us or just decide not to include us in their child-centric gatherings. Or we may decline invitations and gradually drift apart.
This was my world for a very long time, until I stumbled on World Childless Week (WCW), a few years ago. It was a tremendous surprise to find out there was a whole week dedicated to people like me. Not just a day like Mothers’ Day or Fathers’ Day but a WHOLE week in September every year.
WCW, provides people who are childless not by choice with the opportunity to share their thoughts through submissions, present or attend webinars, or share the information from WCW with their friends and family to raise awareness of this still largely invisible demographic.
For me, World Childless Week is about connection, communication, and community – three important elements in enfranchising disenfranchised grief, a vehicle to raise awareness, and a global group of likeminded people who understand the unique experiences of living with childlessness.
Connection
Feeling isolated is a common shared experience of the childless not by choice when we are in our childbearing years as everyone around us seems to be busy with getting pregnant and raising children. What I have also sadly found out, is that this isolation continues well into our advanced years, as more and more of life’s milestones center on the experience of family.
World Childless Week provides an invaluable platform to connect and learn from those who share similar experiences. It also provides a platform to be our authentic self and stand in our own truth without fear.
Connecting with the stories of others who have walked this path before me or who are coming after me provides a strong sense of belonging and kinship. Knowing that I am not alone is comforting and normalises a lot of my experiences. Feelings are validated and learnings gained through solidarity in how to be in the world makes me feel less alien.
Communication
Transparent, honest communication without fear that removes shame and silence is critical in helping smash stigma of childlessness. The ability to create open dialogue based on the words of others, especially researchers, authors, media personalities, and the like adds weight to my own words and provides me with confidence in stating my thoughts. Because you see, sometimes people don’t listen or dismiss us when our words are not backed by credibility of well-known persons. With the many ambassadors who are part of the global team supporting World Childless Week engaging in open dialogue, beliefs, stereotypes and misconceptions can begin to be dismantled.
For many of us, our journey to childlessness may have been one peppered with grief of loss, disappointment, and judgement. We may have travelled this path alone and in silence because that was all we knew at the time. This silence, be it self-imposed or as a result of the society we are in, can be extremely isolating and hurtful. Childlessness after loss is a heavy weight to carry alone.
World Childless Week helps remove this silence on a global scale. By creating a safe space to share our joys and sorrows, celebrate and commiserate, we are able to express thoughts and feelings which may have been hidden for a long time. We are able to feel validated through the sheer number of people normalising what it means to live with childlessness and people who role model that we will be okay if we are early in our journey of coming to terms with childlessness.
World Childless Week gave a platform to share my stories which has been healing. By sharing the stories of others, I am able to raise awareness and hopefully plant the seed pods of understanding and acceptance in wider society for this community of incredibly strong and brave people who live with loss every day and are still able to thrive in their lives.
Community
Connection and communication help build a community which makes me feel like I finally belong. There are many connections that can be built with others in this forum, some of which have resulted in great friendships.
The World Childless Week community is one where I am safe. I don’t have to explain my reasons or choices and I definitely don’t feel like an alien. There is acceptance, validation, and inclusion. Our grief is recognised, our joys are celebrated, and our efforts at building a life of meaning is encouraged.
The sense of community provided by World Childless Week has given me the courage to speak my truth and free myself from society’s pity or derision. I have felt validated as a person regardless of my reproductive status.
World Childless Week Matters – please do get involved
World Childless has provided me with what was missing for all those years I navigated loss alone. Connection, communication, and community has helped me be brave to speak my truth, advocate for others, and know that I will be okay.
As we say in my ethnic community – “life is not all hee hee hah hah”, but I know that I can stand on the shoulders of giants, of those who have made brave strides before me and continue to do so, and I hope in some small way, I too can plant the seed pods of change for those who come after me.
For one week in September, I can recharge my batteries and fuel myself for the year ahead in a pronatal society by being reminded that I have a voice, I am not alone, and I am worthy.
If you are new to the world of childlessness or even if you have been on this path for a while, World Childless Week provides a safe space of support, celebration, and a reminder that we matter in all our diversity and richness of what life offers.
