3.6.21 I'm angry all the time. I'm angry at the smallest things. A friend thought something my sister posted on Instagram about my niece's poo was 'disturbing' and I want to say to her 'get over it, stop being so stuck up and fancy and see the f***ing joke'.
Read morePlaster your troubles away; it is simple
Plaster your troubles away; it is really simple.
Fix it, ready mix it, answer adoption, foster care, or surrogacy.
Oh well, the IVF didn't resolve it, so to dissolve those emotions, there is always another way.
Read moreBusiness as usual
Business as usual is a string of the day-to-day. But the river flows of grief and pain. Squeezing the soul, the eyes, and the inside out but the slogan is business as usual. A star in the sky has now become a point of what was lost and is lost but for you disenfranchised.
Read moreI'm Still One of You
Just because I can’t create, make or bake the bun in my oven, it doesn’t mean I’m not one of you, I hold and share tears of what could have been, how old they would have been, and what might have been?
Read moreWhat it's like, being childless
How do I explain what my life is like to this man, with his nails half-painted (a lovely detail; I will steal it for a character later)? His pen scratches after my most key statements, his wrists jangling with mala beads.
Read moreI Feel Like the Last Rose of Summer
I don’t want to be writing this now. It is 2:53am and again I cannot sleep, but I finally seem to have stopped crying for now, so I have to write this to try to get some peace as I have to vocalise how I feel, even if no-one ever reads it.
Read moreAm I an Imposter Among Childless Women?
My journey to the childless life is quite different from most and often leaves me wondering, “Am I an imposter amongst the childless not by choice community?’
Read moreBeing a Doula & Childless Not by Choice
My Story: First becoming a Doula, then starting the second only (at that time) prison-based Doula program in the Country, then two miscarriages in one year; to finding myself being childless NOT by choice, and now coming full circle with building my organization for justice-involved pregnant and parenting women to become future Doulas, has truly been a journey through my passion, my purpose, my pain, and my hope.
Read moreShame
This poem is a reflection on my mother's and my story, and the shame attached to, in her case having a child and in mine not doing so.
Read moreEndometriosis and Childless Not By Choice
A Childless Mother's Struggle to Accept Being CNBC
Hello, my name is Juliandra and I'm almost 34 years old, married to my husband for 4 years, and we are childless not by choice.
Read moreMy Eyes
Unexpected Consequences
My experience growing up shaped my beliefs about family and I believe contributed to my ambivalence about having children.
Read moreWho I Wanted to Be
Dream
Deconstruction
Forms. I was raised on a series of forms defined as my parents did their best to teach me how to live for God, be a productive member of society, find a way to help others.
Read moreInsult to Injury
As I infiltrated behind enemy lines in the early pregnancy ward, surrounded by tired women of all ages, I looked perfectly in place.
Read moreHell bent on a fairytale
Our second miscarriage floored me. Caught up in the excitement of sore boobs, relentless peeing and nausea, then a painful sharp twist in my abdomen and I just knew that was my future disconnecting from me.
Read moreMother’s Day
Introducing CNBC
Childlessness is on the riseamong Americans, some by choice, some not.
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