It’s common for women without children to question their purpose and the meaning of life. I know I did. Once I realised I would become involuntarily childless, my forties became a time for grieving, healing and a quest for meaning. [I share more about my journey here]
Now in my fifties, I feel so grateful to be blessed with living a joyful, fulfilling and meaningful life. It’s not the life I dreamt of in terms of children yet it exceeds my dreams in other ways.
It’s been an incredible journey, with many ups and downs, but worth every effort. As a life coach and healer I realise I may have found this easier than others as I’ve had so many tools and resources available to help me through the process. That’s why I’ve written this blog – to share some ideas in case they help you create a life of purpose without children too.
Refreshing truth: You create the meaning you experience in life
It’s not what happens to us that determines how we feel but how we choose to respond events, situations and the circumstances we find ourselves in. This includes how you define meaning and the extent to which you explore the many different ways to add meaning to your life. Yes it does take time to do the deep inner work–to unpack the attachments you have to being (and not being) a mother, to grieve and redefine meaning. But it can be great fun too exploring what’s going to fill the void in your heart.
Refreshing truth: There are many ways to add meaning to your life
I used to believe the only true meaning of life is to procreate and at a species level that is obviously important. It’s not surprising so many of us feel this–most stories we were told when we were younger support this. The cultures and societies we live in still prioritise families and parenthood. But that doesn’t mean it’s the only way to live a meaningful life. It just means we need to spend some time exploring other ways to feel a sense of meaning when we don’t have children.
Refreshing truth: A life without children can be joyful and liberating
Children may bring deep love, meaning, and joy. However they also take up a lot of time, emotional resilience, money and years of life. They can also sometimes cause hurt, upset, worry and destruction. Whatever you focus on creates your reality. Once you realise it’s easier create to create a life of meaning by focussing on what you can control and influence (your thoughts, feelings and actions) in response to being childless. Plus the of benefits being in your situation it is liberating. Especially when you start to take steps to create a different future for yourself and FEEL better for doing so.
Redefining meaning
We feel a sense of meaning when we move from:
feeling there’s something wrong with us to feeling self-love;
surviving to thriving;
loneliness to belonging;
disconnection to a full expression of our authentic self;
lack to abundance in the way we tell our story;
victim to personal leadership;
separation to transcendence;
worthlessness to purpose;
and ambivalence to intentional impact.
I refer to these as the nine nuggets of meaning – a mix of the core foundations of meaning and who we need to become to enjoy a more meaningful life.
Seven steps to creating a life of meaning without children
1. Connect to your why – explore what a meaningful life would look like to you. What’s missing in your life (needs)? What’s important to you (values and what you stand for)? What do you yearn for? What’s holding you back from enjoying this now? Evaluate how the nine nuggets of meaning relate to you and decide what to focus on first to transform your life.
2. Embrace possibility and success – your thoughts and emotions influence what you do and how you experience in life. Letting go of beliefs and feelings that no longer serve you and choosing to embrace a mindset of possibility and success will accelerate your journey from surviving to living a meaningful live. Identify what’s holding you back and discover how to easily overcome doubts, outdated beliefs and resistance whenever they show up.
3. Nurture you – looking after yourself by developing a regular and consistent approach to self-care will boost your wellbeing (mental, emotional, physical and spiritual health). This includes being mindful of your needs (balancing long-term versus short-term), healing any grief of not having children, your stage of life, natural cycles (seasons, hormones, women, moon, nature), and nutrition.
4. Embrace the authentic woman you were born to be - get clear on your passions, motivations, emotional resilience, skills, knowledge, talents and how to step into your unique feminine power. What is your natural essence? What did you used to LOVE doing when you were younger? What unfulfilled dreams would you like to explore? It’s time for fun, creativity and exploration.
5. Make a difference in the world – we feel a deeper sense of meaning when we are of service to something greater than ourselves. What social, environmental or global issues are you concerned about? What global movements, charities or causes pull at your heart strings? What personal challenges have you experienced that you could become an advocate for? Explore all these topics plus the Global Goals to help you decide what impact you want to have in the world.
6. Create exciting vision – the first five steps are about dreaming, exploring and deciding what’s best aligned to the life you’d LOVE to create for yourself. Now it’s time to create a vision board that represents all the opportunities and possibilities you want to explore, how you intend to feel, goals you’d like to achieve and the impact you want to have.
7. Take inspired action – nothing is going to change until you start taking inspired action aligned to your truth and the impact you want to have in the world. You never know where your first step may take you. Let’s create action plan with goals, priorities, timeframes, and what you need to turn your new dreams into reality (e.g. time, money, training, or support).
Are you ready to create a more meaningful, fulfilling and joyful life?
Like every other woman on the planet, you deserve it to be happy.
It’s easy for women who are unable to have children, to get distracted by the illusion we are not good enough or as worthy as women who are mothers. This is nonsense.
Imagine what this could be for you…
With love,