Dialogue has stopped
Rocks, untouched, sit in the garden
The pavement is a blank canvas
Grief is the only color I know to use
Ambivalence is my story
She was a difficult person to live with, still is
Years of talking about it in a closed room muddled female envy
I protected myself from the pain of another childhood
The advent of AIDS
A career woman persona to blanket a troubled past
Soothed no fears
Fertile age came and went
When I found him, we weighed our last go
The clinic shared their uncertainty
For two recovering alcoholics illustrating a new life
Infertility was a luxury
So time went by and we tried
And hoped
And failed
And quietly gave up
Then she came, a Colombian dream
Lassoed our hearts with her shiny hair and sweet smile
But they didn’t want us
We are damaged
Now we wait
And wonder
Is it over?
What’s next?
Denial is a loathsome form of regret
A cover for ambivalence
Wishes painfully unfulfilled
I waited too long
Christa C