By now you should be thirteen and sixteen
laughing long into the night
after lights have turned dark
sharing unexpected adventures of summer evenings
to last you till next time the sun turns.
Eating snacks from the fridge
who’s mysterious disappearance
I’d solve in the morning, whilst
you build secrets that are only yours.
Many days have gone by since you weren’t born
and I have mountains of lessons I never taught you
stacked up in the tallest of piles
in the middle of my living room floor.
Waiting patiently, to be
handed to another lost soul.
Every day I lean into the wind
who still carries the un-birth of you
whispering words that were meant for you
as if it knows where to guide them.
I would have told you how good it feels
to walk bare feet in the grass and
let rain form rivers on your skin.
How beautiful it is to pause long enough to
take in more sunsets than you can carry.
That some days, things will slow down
perfectly enough for you to take in
all the invisible beauty around you
and that it’s ok to hug a tree
even if your arms don’t reach.
I would sing about stars walking in the sky
and eleven little trolls and their troll mama
till your memories of the day
were safely tucked away in a treasure chest.
With softness tell you that you should never be
afraid to make mistakes -
that taking a step in the wrong direction
is better than not taking any steps at all
and that it’s okay to cry when things hurt
more than your heart can bare.
I would whisper about how things will
always be okay in the end
even on the darkest of winter days.
Hugged you till you could hardly breathe
when storms were growing under your skin
ready to boil over and crescendo into the day
till they dissolved into utter stillness
'cause sometimes words are not enough.
Helped you see that dark
is simply a different shade of light.
And reminded you time after time
that happiness is like drops of water
and that the best thing to do is to soak
them up before they evaporate into the wind
and are carried off to the next person.
Finally, I would reveal that
the biggest secret of all is simply
that this moment is all we’ll ever have
and we might as well embrace it with full hearts.
Cecilie Harris