Sometime tsunami that drowns me
rises up to choke my heart
from fathomless depths.
Sometime soft, fine mist
that shrouds my soul
and soaks me through and through.
So often unspoken.
A grief that cannot fit
the moulds and shapes
the world sets out for us.
Grieving losses, shedding tears, unseen
Beyond home’s haven (a blessing counted).
Lost dreams
Lost future path
Lost our way
Lost belief in the façade
that if you strive, work hard
take care, believe, work hard
that through determination and sheer will
you could have made those dreams come true.
Lost belief in my body
you let us down
you couldn’t bring about
the miracle, which seems to come so naturally
out there and all around.
Lost faith in choices made
naive to think more time was on our side.
Lost confidence in the meaning of our place in the world.
Lost love, lost embryos, lost pregnancy (our one chance, our baby).
Years spent grieving losses behind a mask
feeling so small out in the world.

Somehow, with time, with tears shed
(so many tears, sometime tsunami, sometime shroud)
with losses shared, released into the world to breathe
Somehow, the heart begins to heal.
Carrying a deep scar. Able to face the future.

The future comes with rich blessings to count
home, a haven
true love to share life’s journey
time and peace to nurture our health and hearts
So many blessings.
Love to cherish. Love to share. Joys to embrace.
Perhaps, adventures to unfold.
Perhaps, a moment to feel bold.
Perhaps, somehow, a sense of meaning
and of purpose on life’s journey, somehow.

But the heart knows, with absolute and final certainty
that there will never, ever be
a dream so deeply rooted, so entwined
around the heart, within the soul
as that lost love, lost chance, lost dream.

Anon.