This letter was written in 2010, reflecting back on a baby lost to abortion 14 years previously. Many years before I began my (unsuccessful) quest to become a mother.
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Darling one,
There are no words
To express what you have meant to me
You were a precious gift
Unsought, undeserved and unappreciated
But precious none the less
The most precious gift of all
The gift of life
Thank you for being in my life
For sharing that time with me
For teaching me so much
About life and loss and love
About myself and my journey
I feel like I knew you
In the most intimate way possible
You lived inside of me
I carried you
Those were 12 special weeks
Though I didn’t know it at the time
I’m so so sorry our story ended so sadly
I’m sorry I couldn’t have offered you more
I’m sorry I was so young and scared and unprepared
And unable to rise to the occasion
I don’t know if you can forgive me
I don’t know if I can forgive myself
I don’t know how to make sense of it all
I don’t know if I ever will
All I know is that I will carry you in my heart for the rest of my days
And some day perhaps we will meet again
And I will hold you in my arms
And give you all the love you deserve
Sleep in peace my little one.
by Vicki