Dear James and Savannah
I’ve imagined these names written this letter so many times in my head and on paper. The content changes a bit each time as the seasons change, along with the years. I’m finally ready to tell you a few things now.
What I would give for just one day with you. To tell you how much I love you. How wanted you were and still are. Throughout my life I always thought that I’d meet your father at a coffee shop of course we would be discussing books. I hope that I passed down a love reading to you. To me, it doesn’t matter what you read classics to comic books.
I honestly hope that I wouldn’t have passed down my hatred of mathematics to you. Hopefully your cousin who is excellent at the subject would have taught you that equations are nothing to fear. Your youngest cousin would have taught you about electronics. Most all they would have taught how to ride a bike, do your homework, and to be kind.
You would have loved birthdays in our home. Your Grandparents believed in birthday weeks, now we were a lucky family we could afford gifts. (You also quickly learn from my side of the family that you deserve the best in life. But not everybody grows up the way I did.) Birthday weeks were one or two gifts from your parents and then grandparents gave gifts also. But the other days were focused on: birthday dinners, you could go to the movies or maybe the mall the next day. The next day maybe sleepover a friend’s house. Maybe one small thing each night.
You would have loved your Aunt. She is fun & very creative: drawing, creating, theater and always helping people. You would have some many wonderful times with her baking as well.
I know you would have come to me or your dad if you were sick in and in trouble in any way. I would have loved to have seen you play sports and cheer at your sports, learn to crawl then walk. I think your father might have been better with your infant years. I’m certain he would have done better with your teenage years. You would have been mine for the toddler years snuggle you on my lap, putting you to bed, even changing diapers would have all been new experiences to me. I would have adapted my home to suit everybody’s needs. I like to think anything I couldn’t have handled completely I would have left for your dad to do, but I think probably as you got older you would have found a way to do it independently and safely ( safety first.)
In my parting words, I want to cover so much your teen years and your heartbreaks, your first kiss, your marriages and careers. However, my dears, all good things must come to an end.
Remember, though I never carried in my womb, you will live on in my memory forever.