I am a book, to be thrown away once written. Four or six pairs of eyes cast upon the scratchings that tell the story of me. Something to pass by, not pass down.

In those two weeks we were

well rested zombies who ate

mac and cheese on china and

chocolate ice cream on white couches.

“You’re so lucky you don’t have kids!” She threw the remark in my face like a dirty dishcloth before dashing out of the room. I laughed as a reflex, like a boxer dodging a blow.

In this conversation we talk about the impact these affirmations can have on communication and relationships between parents and non- parents.

The number of times I hear "You're lucky you don't" or "You can have mine" is outrageous. This is a big part of why I share. 

“You’re so lucky”, they crow and caw

The black cat of infertility flashes by.

In a world that often equates parenthood with fulfillment and success, the experiences of those who journey through the realm of infertility can remain hidden, misunderstood, and even invalidated.

Your life must be easy peasy, lemon squeezy they say, No responsibilities, no childcare to arrange, only the freedom to travel the world.

Behind the line of trees ahead lies the estuary. We can’t see it just yet, but once we’re into the next field, the blue from the sky will bounce off the water below.

I was diagnosed with premature ovarian syndrome at 25. My ex husband and I explored every avenue we could within our financial means and we could handle emotionally and psychologically.

If I’d been told 20 years ago that I was lucky to not have kids I would have been angry. Such a comment ignores what I have lost, minimises it, dismisses it.

They say it so easily- the child-filled ones. They see their circumstances and they feel the weight of their role and they just say it.

If I had a dollar for every time a parent said to me “you’re so lucky you don’t have kids!” over the past 20 years, I’d probably be able to afford to fly business class from Melbourne to Singapore every year!

Lucky to not have kids?  If I had a penny for every time I have heard this over the last 30 years, I would be living in a villa on a private island somewhere. 

My sister-in-law used to be obsessed with the notion of top dog-ism, I think that’s the same as the type ‘A’ personality.

Reasons to feel unlucky: I’m childless…

I don’t understand this sentiment…if I am so lucky to not have kids, then why did you have kids in the first place?

“You’re so lucky,” said a friend of mine.  I heard her clearly down the long-distance phone line, even all the way from Germany where she now lives.

I'm childless and single and work with a group of women who all have children.