Alana
They say it so easily- the child-filled ones. They see their circumstances and they feel the weight of their role and they just say it. It alleviates the tension in their shoulders for just that moment as they imagine the greener grass we have, the way it used to be before their offspring took over their lives. They want to feel that way again so they say it. The words come to our ears before they even realise they’ve said it.
“You’re so lucky to not have kids”
They say it to us thinking it will ease our burden- that it will remind us we have it good, we have it safe, we have much. But it doesn’t do that. It only accentuates our pain and loss. It implies we are fortunate, blessed or advantaged because of our lack of children. That we’ve been able to get through our lives unscathed and not having had to deal with what they’ve been through as parents.
Child-filled or childless, the truth is that luck has nothing to do with it. The Creator of this world and the God of my bible has proclaimed His love for all and promises those who trust Him that He will be with them through the hard, tough times and the good, thrilling times. Our lives are not founded on luck but on the hand of our good God.
“You’re so blessed” These words are used so haphazardly these days. For a childless person, all that planning, the waiting, the anticipation, the tests, the scheduling to hope conception happens is hard. It hurts when we don’t see two lines yet again. The big exciting news that we had hoped to announce to family will never be spoken. The baby name list will make it to the bin and those new titles we were hoping to be called, will not be ours. We wanted to hear the words- Oh how lovely for you, you’ve been blessed with a child” but those words are never uttered.
“You’re so fortunate” Childless people are often deemed fortunate because we can sleep through the night and come home to a tidy house. Sometimes it’s because we have what we need at our fingertips when we need it and we have time to sit still. Yet we would love to feel those little hands or see those teary faces when they call for us several times throughout the night. Our bodies would love to be touched by their smooth, sweet-smelling little bodies as they seek comfort from us. Our homes would love to hold toys, book and plastic cups and plates in the bottom drawer. We’d like to reach for something and find our child there instead. We would love to sit with warm, beautiful bodies on us, asking us to read that same book again.
“You’re so advantaged” It’s usually said when talking about the holidays, childless people take or the money we have. But in reality, our holidays are often spent looking around at the families. We watch the little children laughing and full of funny antics. We step back to let the young, tired mother through first. We wait in line as families order their food and wonder what nuggets taste like. Yes, those holidays take our time and money and we are thankful we have jobs. But we would have preferred to see the wonder on our children’s faces as we showed them snow for the first time or the bright lights or the marvellous animals that amaze us and make us thankful for our Creator.
So yes, it’s not about luck, it’s about life. It’s about living it and living it well. The grass is not greener. We just have different “ground” to live on. When we take the time to acknowledge, understand and care for one another regardless of the children in or not in our lives, we can all be blessed.
