DH
You can't even do what a woman is supposed to do and get pregnant.
Being married to a full blown narcissist is not easy, as many of you may know. Luckily, this one is my EX husband. Years of emotional abuse ended with those 14 words. We tried for pregnancy for a couple years before the evening he came walking out of our room with a jarring, knowing, grin on his face. He walked straight up to me, looked straight in to my eyes, and while, still grinning, he spoke the words that in that very moment, ended us (thankfully). "You can't even do what a woman is supposed to do and get pregnant".
And our marriage, done. I filed for divorce the next day.
He took the most painful challenge for me, the one thing that continually drove a dagger in to my heart, and twisted it, over and over, sickeningly with pleasure. I remember laughing in his face after he said that. Hysterically laughing while saying "I'm done". I walked out of our apartment to a dark corner of the parking lot where he couldn't find me, and cried. I cried, and cried. I allowed those words to take a seat in my heart and soul, and stay there. I believed them to be truth.
He said a lot of cruel things to me during the time of our relationship. But nothing, NOTHING compared to that sentence. Those words have stuck with me for 12 years. 12 whole years of my life I have believed that I was not good enough, that I was broken!! It was not until recent work with my therapist, that I am learning how absolutely absurd this statement is.
It is NOT my fault. My value is not decided by the capability of my uterus.
What I AM supposed to do, is SO much more than "get pregnant". I am SUPPOSED to do, whatever I want that is within my control! Bearing a child (although would have been a priceless blessing and was my life goal) is NOT the only purpose I am put on this earth for. I am meant for so much!!
I am still on my journey of learning who I am without the possibility of motherhood, and what I enjoy and what my new goals will be aside from motherhood. But my life still has meaning. I have purpose.
I will no longer live by those words spoken to me out of cruel intentions. They hold no truth, no value. I am not broken.
I am a woman.
I am whole.
I am a warrior.
I am a human.
I am important.
I matter.
My health does not dictage my value!
I am healing.
