Single? No kids?
Remember that time you went to hospital, and you had no idea who your emergency contact was?
No? Welcome to my world.
Let me tell you a story about looking for an emergency contact and finding a tribe of women.
I’m single and I now have an emergency contact plus back-ups.
It was mid-2021, I’d had my 2nd covid injection and I felt a bit off. Lockdowns had stretched on forever in Melbourne, I hadn’t been working for a while and my partner of 4 years had left me (between lockdowns).
I really didn’t feel great, so I drove myself to the3 hospital. That’s what we self-sufficient single woman do, no partner or children to call on, we get on with the business of looking after ourselves.
I walked into A&E and found myself in front of a Perspex window answering questions given to me by a nurse on how I felt. “I had a sore chest”. “I was short of breath”, “it hurts to breath”. The nurse asked more details and then “can you tell me who your emergency contact is please”.
I stared back, quiet, my mind racing and empty all at once.
It was a great question. Who was my emergency contact?
It wasn’t my partner, he no longer existed
It wasn’t my parents, they live in another country
It wasn’t my best mate; they are on the other side of the city in a 5km lock down
It wasn’t my walking buddy; she has an infant, and it was just too much to ask
The nurse looked patiently at me, I think she saw my brain freeze and self-combust all at once and she gave me a moment to collect myself.
My old friend not far out of my 10km lockdown radius! That’s who’ll I’ll put down.
The process of questions continued.
I got swept up in the system after that, poked, prodded, bloods, tests, x-rays. “you’re fine Ms Rabarts, you can head home, I do however recommend a mammogram”.
I didn’t tell my mate until days later about giving her name as my emergency contact. I can be like that; the matter was dealt with; life moves on.
The question of emergency contacts stuck with me though and I did start surveying my single mates, this was a common issue. We really need to talk about it, Emergency contacts for the single and childless especially.
I did have the mammogram. My first. It was an experience, and everything was fine.
Fast forward 6 months, lock downs had ended 2 months ago, I was in a new job, but Christmas was fast approaching, and I wasn’t happy. Borders were still closed between Australia and New Zealand; I couldn’t go home.
I had plans for Christmas day, but it wasn’t the same.
Everyone had family to be with.
I felt very single and extremely raw about playing out this joyous occasion alone. I am brave but when you want to be part of the excitement and it’s happening to everyone around you but you’re not part of it, it’s depressing. A depressing sandpaper rub on a tender wound with the scab recently picked off. It’s an ugly metaphor; it’s an ugly feeling.
I made plans to get away within Victoria after Christmas.
Something inside me had had enough and wanted my attention first though.
So, like a kettle about to rattle its top from steaming, boiling water my body screamed at me and said STOP.
My chest hurt again
My breath felt laboured.
Long story short, I went to see my doctor on Christmas eve (I mean, I was fine last time), they thought I had reflux, I insisted on tests… after continuing with my day I got a phone a call from my mate, my emergency contact. I needed to talk to my doctor, right away, you have the police and ambulance on their way.
I nearly laughed out loud. Maybe I did.
Double take, I rang my doctor, she was very serious, she needed to let me know that my blood tests had revealed I had had a
H
E
A
R
T
ATTACK.
The system had worked, my emergency contact had been able to get hold of me.
No, let’s be honest that that’s not what I thought about first after receiving this news.
It looked and sounded more like this in my head….Huh, blur, wait, what, the police are coming?
The police did come, I greeted them at the door, they asked if my mum was home. It was a comedy skit I didn’t want to be in. “No, its me your after”.
So that was Christmas, in my local hospital. I got worse before I got better.
A few days, a lot of drugs and a clear angiogram later I was back at home.
If you don’t have an emergency contact, Think about it.
Who has a spare key to your house and knows where to find your undies and charger?
Your emergency contact, that’s who!
I want to add something here. When you’re single you need community, you need people around you, people you can call on.
I lost a lot of folks during a rocky end to a relationship & covid, but I had also found a new tribe, a tribe of women who really did become my lifeline after this event.
From doing everything for myself including looking after myself (not very well in hindsight) I was fragile when I got out of hospital.
Against my character, I asked for help, and the most beautiful thing happened. A community of women (who don’t have children) responded without questions, they responded like they had been waiting for the call. I learnt something in those 2 weeks and beyond, that people love to help if given a chance, me included.
I vowed to give everything back into that community and I continue to get more in return. My cup is always filled by these women.
Future emergency contacts in the making.
xx
PS I’ve also identified my power of attorney, the act of creating my will revealed just how much of a legacy I will leave behind. It was a win-win.
Penelope Rabarts
