We are a very liberated society
There is little we cannot talk about
Each little review of social norms
Has taken us to enlightenment
But still, in the dark corner there remains
A small matter of fact
That can shut down the conversation at a dinner party:
How old are your kids?
I don't have any!
And in that split second time stops.
The hostess has left something on the stove
The Host suggests another round of drinks
The dog gets up and walks out
Someone drops a fork.
And the conversation turns to atrocities
on the football field.
Yes, I am talking infertility
We don’t dare say that word, we dress it up
And dance around, and hope it will go away.
But no, it’s there, it’s always been there,
But somehow social norms send it to the Gulag.
We have a population problem you know
Maybe we should have more of it (infertility), to save the planet
Just think of all the doting aunties and uncles,
A village to raise a child.
I am just saying
It’s in the world and in some cases, there are no solutions.
The endless rounds of IVF, so clinical and unpredictable
Causing high expectations and deep loss and failure
Taking a little bit of our soul, every time there is a pickup
Or a drop off.
The doctors can’t mend a broken heart
The doctors can only play with cells.
And who knows the reason why we are here?
Let alone, if we can have kids, and what they will be like
Heaven knows, or maybe only God knows
But surely don’t make me a refugee
Just because my sperm swim funnily, or have strange shapes
Or are just not particularly plentiful.
Don’t be a pain when I don’t attend your child’s party
Or refuse to hold your newborn
It’s sometimes too much, for one who cannot produce
And for Heaven’s sake
Asking newlyweds for grandchildren relentlessly, should be a serious offence.
In days of old there were other problems
But always children to adopt
But today, they are pretty thin on the ground
And overseas adoption fraught with danger
And really, really, there are good reasons to give up.
Yes, I said it, give up. Enough is enough.
Hoping beyond reasonable doubt helps no-one
Hoping beyond reasonable doubt pays doctor’s bills.
And fund all sorts of things but it never fed a child in an orphanage.
So, don’t let it shock you when someone says
No children - given up - other things to do.
So many other things to talk about
After all, how many nappy changes and snotty noses do we have to talk about
When there is a world of things to do.
And children may be a blessing
It may be wired into our DNA
But is childlessness really a curse?
Maybe it’s a blessing
Maybe it’s a calling to something else
Yes, it will take time to mend our hearts
Sometimes we never fully mend
But life can change shape.
You have a special job to do
Yes, you do.
So, go forth and be fruitful.
Go forth and be fruitful in other ways
Because God ain’t finished with us yet
No God ain't finished with any of us, while we are still kicking.
©Greg Altamore 2021