I submitted a story last year as we were right in the middle of lockdown. It was like therapy for me submitting our story, it really brought home what we had been through and survived! My husband and I struggled to have children of our own following my husband’s cancer treatment, we tried IVF twice through the NHS with donor sperm. I also needed an operation to clear endometriosis and ovarian cysts. It wasn't a nice experience from start to finish. After two rounds of IVF we decided with the help of a counsellor enough was enough.
We were empty shells and even looking back now on last year, we still felt shook to the core. I had spent two years struggling with mental health, along with a deep sense of loss and sadness constantly and a complete lack of confidence. I really felt my purpose had gone.
My counsellor helped me accept my situation and move forward in tiny steps when I felt ready. I acknowledged my feelings and felt more like me over time. It did take time and my husband dealt with things in his own way, but he said as he saw me getting better, he felt better, he just wanted his wife back.
I spoke to a counsellor for a year and a half and also had CBT (cognitive behavioural therapy). I was nervous at first as I thought this was for people with severe mental illnesses. But it was brilliant! I like to have something to work with and I got tasks to do, challenges if I felt ready, for example, take a risk, go to an exercise class alone! Building up my confidence slowly. I honestly believe everyone should try CBT! It was one of the most eye opening experiences I have ever had and it made me so self aware!
I now use my new found skills and knowledge whenever I struggle and it works every time! I have learned to love myself and be able to say that I love me without feeling weird! I am my own best friend and thinking about where I am now to where I was three years ago now makes me so emotional, but I also see how strong I am!
Seeking therapy was the best decision and not something to be ashamed or scared of. Both my counsellor and CBT therapist were so caring and listened to my every word. They worked with me at my pace.
I am in a much better place (as is my hubby!) and I have made some incredible friends from Facebook support groups such as the Dovecot community, women who are also amazingly strong and inspire me every day!
My advice to anyone just starting their CBNC journey, it does get easier and it does get better, but please be kind to yourself and be your own best friend.
Leah from North East, UK