We both remember that moment vividly, the exact moment when we decided to stop fertility treatments and embrace life as a complete family of two (and pets!). My husband and I were standing on the deck of a cruise ship in 2014, watching as the shipslowly backed out of the harbor of a beautiful small island in the Caribbean.

After four years of trying and failing to have a child of our own, we went on a cruise to get away from our normal lives. It gave us space to think and have difficult conversations between just the two of us, without input from family and friends.

Unexplained infertility had left us exhausted physically, mentally, financially, and emotionally. It felt like we were trying to pry open a door that God had closed. We got our fingers pinched each time we tried, but the parenthood door refused to open for us. We realized on that trip that it was time to stop forcing something that wasn’t meant to be. Together we made the decision to look for other (childless) doors instead of staring at this closed door.

As we were making this decision together on the deck of the cruise ship that day, the huge ship backed up, then pivoted to go a new direction as it left the port. It was symbolic of how we were feeling; our lives were being pivoted in a new direction with our decision to live childless. We were moving on into unknown territory.

To celebrate this “pivotal” turning point for us, each year on the anniversary of that day we celebrate “Pivot Day”. Like the anniversary of a death or a birthday (it feels like both!), I wanted to have a day when I could pause to grieve, reflect, and celebrate. It’s a day of remembrance. My husband allows me to plan and lead the day’s events each year, and he is by my side supporting me the whole time.

Pivot Day has looked different each year, depending on my current needs and emotional state. It has included journaling (with tears!), spending time in prayer, eating good food, taking a walk with the dog,getting a pedicure, and watching a movie that does not show children or parenthood on the screen. It always includes indulging in a cupcake like we would eat to celebrate at a birthday party. We are celebrating the birth day of a new life – our childfree life.

It’s been really interesting to watch my progress each year. Recent years have had noticeably less tears and sadness than the earlier years. I find myself feeling more content now and embracing all the things we can do because we don’t have children, and not focusing on all the things we are missing. It’s been a huge mindset shift.

In the first few years, I kept my story and my grief private. As I have worked through the darkness to find healing, I have become more comfortable with sharing my story with others. I now make a post on social media about Pivot Day each year to share our story with our friends and family. It’s been wonderful to have so many messages of support and love, and to connect with others who send me private messages stating “me too” regarding their infertility struggles.

Two years ago on Pivot Day, we decided to sponsor a child through a non-profit organization that financially supports children all over the world. We intentionally picked a childthat would have been the same age as ours would have been. Our sponsored child lives in the Caribbean, near the island where we made our decision in 2014. We hope to one day meet that child in person on a future cruise or trip.

Pivot Day will always be a bittersweet day of remembrance for us, reflecting on our big decision that felt bittersweet then too. We sometimes think about the closed door of parenthood and feel sadness, but then see all the other doors that have opened to us as a result of being childfree. We have rich lives filled with friends, family, hobbies, and new adventures. We built a beautiful life that was made possible by our pivot.

By Content and Childless in the USA