I am 69 years young.

I was a nurse, Ward sister and midwife.

Like many of you I have experienced the profound sadness that not being able to have your baby brings.

The overwhelmingly feeling of loss is almost indescribable.

I would however like to address the lost years that childlessness had for me.

I can remember my lovely father saying to me in possibly my ‘30’s or 40’s’ that perhaps I just had to accept that I couldn’t have children. I was so furious that he could just say it. He obviously hadn’t a clue what I was feeling. How could he be so insensitive and not insightful to my utter despair. I had 5 failed IVF’s with the accompanying feelings of failure and immeasurable sense of ‘why, why, why’.

Years of CBT, counselling followed by turning to alcohol and joining any group from choir, Ukulel, knitting followed. Knitting was challenging. All the members had children and of course bouncy delightful grandchildren!

AA speak a lot about ACCEPTANCE.

Easy to say but so hard to practice and succeed. I read ‘Jody’s book which was a lightbulb moment for me.

I am now content, and yes happy. I am relieved that I am comfortable with who I am and what I have achieved.

I became a reluctant career nurse, teaching both nurses , medical students and members of the multidisciplinary team. However there was a ‘hole’ and I felt empty. I do wish that I had understand about acceptance earlier in my life, as I would have been so much happier. However, I can do nothing about my life, and am grateful I feel happy now.

If these words could help just one person it would be good

Val Ricketts