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For me December 2009 turning 30 was a big thing, not sure why but it was a milestone I did not want to achieve, so to get through this, I needed to live my life, the only way I knew how: I had just moved to New Zealand back in the April and was living my best life, so to get through this I thought I go live dangerously and tick a few things off my bucket list: Bungee jump, Skydive, Jumped off the Auckland sky tower, White and Black water rafting, Water skiing, just to name a few.
I also meet my now Husband, things were going great, I started to lose a lot of weight, and I put this down to a new relationship diet and exercise, but when it involved a lot more than this I went to the doctor, after a lot of examinations and test I found out I had endometritis, hormone imbalance and many more, through complications and lifestyle through my teens and twenties, I was told I would not be able to have children.
“When a woman gets told she can’t have children you don’t feel like a real woman” I certainly felt this way.
Few months on and my best friend of 24yrs who had followed me to New Zealand got pregnant, at the time she was in no state to have a child with her partner or by herself, so as we discussed options, she asked me if I wanted to bring up her child, it came at the perfect time. Both myself and my partner were in good jobs and a stable living environment, so I said yes.
In New Zealand and Australia, it is illegal to pay someone for Surrogacy this wasn’t going to happen between myself, and my best friend and we sought legal advice, so all was above board.
A few months later my twin and her husband arrived from the UK for a visit. During this time, we all stayed at my apartment. It was going great but a few days later my best friend decided to have an abortion, yes, I was hurt and could not understand why? Did she think I could not raise her child properly am I not women enough? I also had to see this from her point of view and take her emotions into account.
This hit hard for a long time and although we are friends, we are certainly not best friends anymore too many emotions and hurt feelings from both sides.
After the whole situation my husband and I thought about different options but unfortunately it didn’t turn out.
They say people get dogs because its man’s best friend and good for exercise, People only get cats for a reason, maybe this is true after all this went through I got my cat and yes I have taken her everywhere born in New Zealand like me travelled and lived in Australia -UK – back to Australia.
I am now coming up to 45yrs old, 15 yrs later and I think of all the comments that have been made to me and my husband-being excluded from different conversations etc.
“Why haven’t you tried this or that??” If you really wanted kids, you could have them”
“Why would your husband want you if you can’t have children”
“How can you manage staff without knowing what it Is like to be a parent you could never be a manager”
“What do you do at the weekends?”
“You wouldn’t know what it is like to be busy unless you have kids”
“Who would you leave your money to” Your cat?? Hahahaha!!!
And many more…
At one point Husband and I would make up stories to strangers,
We had 2 kids one boy one girl we even named them; we told people they were at university, and we were on holidays, but even this was getting too painful, so we stopped “no we don’t have kids” and got the strange looks again
“Oh, it’s never too late to try”
“Oh,you’re still young”
Fake smile fake smile
Have I sat down and spoken about this to anyone other than my Husband NO! Why would I get humiliated in front of a stranger? Because that’s how it feels time and time again.
To share this with anyone no I’d rather put up with the strange looks and comments!!
