Until I found available resources, the silence around involuntary childlessness was, for me, one of the most difficult parts of living this experience. Until I met other women in my shoes, I kept a lot of hard thoughts and most of the sadness felt to myself. I felt alone and isolated. And, certain phrases expressed by parents unintentionally hurt. The 'as a mother', 'as a parent', 'I never knew love until...' qualifiers made me feel less than. The phrases still make me want to shout in response, "As a caring, compassionate human, I feel love and am as empathetic as you."
With these thoughts, the following words came together.
Childless
Does not mean
Less than.
Childless
When not by choice
Means to be forever
Without the children
We expected, dreamed about,
Wished for, hoped for,
Wanted.
These children who never came
Are deeply loved,
Are heavily grieved,
Always missed.
To be childless involves
Feeling isolated,
Heartbroken,
Judged, misjudged,
Sidelined, misunderstood.
When involuntary,
Childless means child loss.
Those of us who experience
This deep loss,
Have loved as profoundly and
Grieved as heavily,
As any parent would.
Susan Fancy