What if it were true?
What if those comments, so painful to my ears, were actually true?
What if the greatest love is the love of your child?
What if mother is the most fulfilling role?
What if a child is a tangible stake in the future?
What if?
I don’t know what’s true. Who does?
What if only partly true?
The merest hint of truth
Or perhaps just your truth
Where does it leave me?
A woman left childless by the fates
No more responsible for my childlessness than you for motherhood
Where does it leave me?
If I can know no greater love, does it help you understand the magnitude of my loss?
If the greatest role is mother, does it help you to understand my struggle for purpose?
If a child gives a tangible stake in the future, does it help you to understand the depths of my despair?
When I gently lift the veil so you can glimpse the fierceness of my pain, you recoil, not from me but your own vulnerability
Hold your child close to your chest, knowing that however hard it is to be a mum, at least you’re not me
We don’t ask you to fix it, get it or say the right thing in the right moment on the right day, but maybe you could say ‘that sucks’ and know it does in an ongoing way
And maybe, just maybe, in your busy schedule find some time to silently be with our truth
For whilst your words sting and bruise an already broken heart, our greatest struggle is the dance with her,
The part of us that believes it too
Image by StudioKlick from Pixabay