Yes, I know that being a parent is not easy. Especially when they’re small. I was an au pair once, I have some idea of what it’s like to look after small children for hours on end. No, it’s not the same. Yes, I got weekends off. I didn’t say I knew what it was like, only that I have some idea.
I’m sorry to hear that your house looks like a tip. It must be so frustrating to tidy up one room, then turn around and find that the kids have decided to “redecorate” another. Or that they want cupcakes, so they’ve started making some. On the kitchen floor. With the eggs you were going to have for lunch. And the last of the flour. There hasn’t been any flour in the shops round here for ages either.
Yes, I’m sure you’d have trained to be a teacher if you’d wanted to be a teacher. I’m sure it’s a pain having to chase the school for the work they should be setting. I’m sure it is difficult getting the kids to sit down for just half an hour – for just five minutes! – to do the work – some of the work – that the school has set. No, you probably don’t do it the way that Mrs Jones does it, and it must hurt to hear those comparisons. Of course little kids think of the actual school building as the place where they do schoolwork, and home as the place where they don’t. Of course they miss their friends too. Which means only have each other to play with, and their playing so often looks like fighting. They have so much energy to burn off (of course they do – they leach it out of you!) and no outlets for it. You can go to the park, but you can’t play on the swings (“But I want to play on the swings, Mummy!”) They can’t have play-dates either. I hear that you’re struggling and I’m sorry.
I get that you’re worried about your elderly parents too. You miss them. You can only stand in their garden to talk to them, briefly, and the children can’t see their grandparents at all. You can’t leave the kids with granny for a couple of hours while you pop to the shops and then grab a well-earned coffee-and-cake break all to yourself (no need to share the cake!) You can’t ask grandpa to come round for dinner and then read bedtime stories while you clear up in the kitchen (or the bathroom. Or the living room.) Is your dad eating properly? Is your mum taking her medication? So much for you to worry about. (Do you really think I don’t worry about my elderly parents?)
And the kids broke your phone? Nightmare. You gave it to them so they could play a game for a few minutes to give you a quick break, and now you have to use a spare phone that’s too old for WhatsApp. And Facetime. So they can’t chat to their friends any more either. You know, there’s actually nothing wrong with sitting them in front of the telly occasionally? It won’t harm them. And if it gives you a bit of a breather, why not? No, I don’t think you’re a bad parent. I just think you’re human. OK, forget I said it. I’m sorry.
Yes, we’re OK, considering. Thank you for asking. We’re just tired, we haven’t been sleeping well, our anxiety levels are quite high. No, that’s not the same as being up several times a night with a new baby, or even twice a night with a child who’s having nightmares. Or repeatedly wetting the bed. No, I haven’t had to put the washing machine on in the middle of the night. That was the second time this week, you say? That’s so much work. I’m sorry to hear that.
And last night you went to bed to find the kids had decorated your room with toilet paper, as a surprise. Oh God, that was the last of your stock. So this morning you had to go out to get some more and your other half was working so you had to take the kids and the littlest one is teething and cries a lot right now. You went to three shops before you found any and they were all full of people and nobody was distancing or wearing a mask. How selfish. I’m sorry, that sounds like a horrible experience. And someone had a go at you for buying so much toilet paper? They didn’t know that you were going to drop some off at your dad’s. I can hear that you’re struggling and I wish I could give you a hug. It must be so difficult.
Having kids is hard work and lockdown makes it harder. I get that.
You know what, though? I’d still swap places with you if I could.
In a heartbeat.
Bella C