A Story of Adenomyosis and Endometriosis.
June 2017 For me this journey has been an epic journey of surrender, heartache, physical pain, misdiagnoses, losing face and even feeling like I am losing my mind, getting over fears and phobias (needles, Doctors, surgery, Drugs, loss), putting things "on hold", letting go of dreams (motherhood, careers, jobs) and letting go of the personal belief system of who I "should" be, and discovering instead who I am and what I am living with, and finally, validating that, and thus, allowing for acceptance of both. My period began age 11. It never thrilled me, but by my late teens there were irregularities and by 21 endometriosis was suspected.
Fast forward 18 years and something I never ever dreamt to be part of my reality and yet somehow I find myself in a position where I couldn't be more ready, is in the pipeline:- (June12 2017), a Total Hysterectomy.
It's hard to believe all that I have endured in this section of my life - I am calling it the Red Story - I've named it in the hopes that after hysterectomy The Red Story is a section of my life that I look back on - and that no longer follows and plagues my life story. Through this time I have seen Doctors, Surgeons, Naturopaths, Osteopaths, Acupuncturists, Endocrinologists, Psychologists, and Gynaecologists. I have had Body Talk, Hypnosis, Grief Counselling, Colonoscopy, CT scans, Ultrasounds, Massage, Diet changes, Feng Shui, Laughter yoga, Yoga, IVF, General Anaesthesia, Stood on my head…. I have screamed. I have cried. I have laughed. I have been to that terrifying place of darkness where life feels unliveable and cliff edges are suddenly appealing. I have lived with pain of varying degrees for many years now, lately the pain is so savage even all the pain meds at its max isn’t touching the sides, and at times I have only just been able to bare it. And yet, somehow you carry on. You dust yourself off and when things are bare able again, you get up and you do what you can do. I have times where I can’t help but wonder how things would be different - if 18 years ago- Adenomyosis was found - hysterectomy performed then - how would my life, our life, be different?
How would I be different?
But, I am me. And I have become me by my life and experiences. Although I feel broken right now - I have discovered my core strength is stronger than I ever imagined - I have made it through this - my husband of 17 years and I have somehow made it through all this together- and we go stronger together because of what we have lived, into the hopeful phase beyond the Red Story !