I have just learned that legacies can come to you in the most unexpected and beautiful ways.
For me, the sadness of not being able to pass on my great grandparents fine China to my child or children, my memory boxes with tickets from my first live ABBA concert, special clothes saved from different time periods, cherished children’s books from my own childhood… are sometimes overwhelming. Not to mention my largest achievement in life; buying and carefully restoring this beautiful little summerhouse by a lake. My safe place to go to, but also where I wanted to see my child or children grow up.
After years of grieving, working on myself, trying to find ways to heal, I finally came to a new step in the process. To start letting go and moving on.
I now have this great support group of women in my life, through Gateway Women. We met in the beginning of 2020 in the Online Bee program. We are supporting each other during our journey.
A while ago I shared this new step in my life with them, and now I want to share it with you. This is a snippet of what I shared with them: “I have lived in my apartment for two decades. It has embraced me through good and bad times. Through sickness and health. Through burnouts, career changes, IVF treatments, an adoption process, nesting, miscarriages and broken dreams. So many tears but also laughter. It stuck with me through abandonment for other homes in other cities. A divorce and new beginnings and lots of love. Newfound hope and excitement.I just want to say Thank you. Thank you for being my security all these years. And hopefully more to come.
But now it is finally time to take that big step. To open up the wardrobes, large closets and storage spaces. Open up the drawers and finally just let go and move on. All the emotional baggage that I have put away all these years. All the things I wasn’t able to let go of before but now feels like a millstone around my neck, weighing me down every time I open a drawer or door. I have to meet myself now. Even through my clothes. Embrace my body how it is today. Saying thank you to all those things that had a place in my life at one time but don’t have it anymore. It feels scary and hard but also necessary.”
It gives you so much strength to be able to share with people that you know you are safe with. Who understand.
This encouraged me to open up to a family member. My husband’s sister. We don’t live in the same city and haven’t had the opportunity to talk that much about the really heavy stuff in life. But I have always felt that I could have a deeper relationship with her when time comes.
A couple of weeks ago the time came. Her and her wife and their daughter came to visit for a weekend. I felt that I wanted to explain why there were this large project going on in our home. But more so, I wanted to share my journey with her. This new step in my process. And all the emotions that come with it. We spoke on the phone before she came, because I felt it would be easier to focus and share with her over the phone.
When she came, she told me that she had thought about what I told her and had something to give me. She took out this ring that she had in a small box. “Sometimes you maybe need some different kind of help in your life. I want you to have this ring. This is a loan for as long as you need it. I think it can help you where you are now in your process. It belonged to my great aunt Albertina. Albertina was a strong woman. During a period of her life, she left Stockholm and went to Boston, where she was involved in the women’s movement. She never had any children of her own. She loved my mother and left a whole lot of things to her when she passed away. When I thought of you and your journey it made me think of Albertina. I have her diamond ring in my wedding ring and I feel that she is with all of us. Sometimes you need a little help from the other side. The ring can remind you that you also have the ‘stiffs’ help.”
I have cried over this beautiful gesture and thought. And I have thought a lot about Albertina. Here was a strong woman with no children, leaving this beautiful imprint in my life to take strength from. You don’t know what kind of legacy you leave through your life. Which people you touch on your path… This is a comforting thought. She is here with me now on my journey. I will be a part of others journeys through my life…
Maria Berntsson