When I think about a letter to my younger self, I want to cry.
I’ve been avoiding this for so long, and I’m still hesitating. Should I open the heavy door, which leads to a dark place where under a huge rock my deepest fears are hidden?
So, while I’m standing in front of that door, a whole tornado of emotions covers me. Sadness, pity, fear, grief, regret, nostalgia, and love, and all their shadings, which the Portuguese call with a beautiful word –Saudade…
What I haven’t noticed, though, is that the door is, in fact, wide open. All these fears and emotions are and have always been here with me, for me, but I didn’t want to recognize them, thus rejecting a part of my soul.
It’s incredibly hard to start this letter, just as hard as was telling my childless story for the first time.
When I was growing, my mum, although a nice and caring woman, didn’t show enough tenderness, or praise, when I needed it. Or at least, I don’t remember… Let alone saying “I love you”. So, I could never share my real feelings with her. I guess, this is, in part, the reason why I finally MUST start and finish this letter:
. . . . .
Girl.I know how you feel. Now, listen to me as I’ve been in your shoes. Literally.
Don’t be afraid to follow your heart: you’ll love, you’ll lose, you’ll abandon and will be abandoned. – But there’s something else ahead. Just wait and see.
Don’t compare: everyone has paid their price for what they have, and sometimes, often, what they have is not what they wanted. It happens to all of us. – So, whatever life you’re living now, you are not alone.
Don’t worry too much: I know, at times it feels the sorrow will never end but the Mother Nature is wise, and there’s always a dawn after the darkest night. And meanwhile, you can admire the stars. –Just stay calm and have faith.
One day – I promise – you’ll be alright.
You are good, you’re doing your best.
Remember: IT’S NOT YOUR FAULT.
And… I love you.
Julia
