Dear Penny
I wanted to drop back and say hello to you, my 9-year-old self when you were standing looking at that poster at school, “Girls can do anything”.
You were filled with curiosity of what this message meant, what were the possibilities?
Hold onto that curiosity, there is so much opportunity that will come your way.
When life tells you that there is a timeline involving school, education, life, marriage, children; do not be disheartened, do not feel that you are less because you haven’t met your match and you haven’t had children.
Don’t ignore your feelings when the timeline is running amok that something is wrong, without being able to articulate it.
Look for your people when you need them, they are out there. They need you too.
Date and enjoy it, don’t feel like it must end in a goal.
Don’t stay with the guys who serve you no purpose any longer than it takes to realise it.
Being single is a joy.
Being in a couple is a comfort when you’re with the right person.
You will always be loneliest with the wrong person.
Your biggest joys will be adventures you’ve taken on your own and pushed beyond your comfort zone.
Never be afraid to push your comfort zone, it’s exhilarating.
Don’t let the gynaecologist dismiss you and your plans to freeze your eggs or to undertake IVF on your own. Exploring that avenue was the right thing to do. She won’t do the right thing by you.
You may be overwhelmed but you had every right to be there.
There are going to be tough times.
Look after yourself, care for yourself.
Nobody will look after you like you do.
Nobody can love you like you do.
Your happiness is what make the world glow and that glow is what makes opportunities present themselves.
Even now I have no advice for the grief that will come when life doesn’t take the next steps like you were led to believe they would, but you will know that having a child with the wrong guy will be at your expense.
Your instincts are spot on.
But this grief will pass.
My great advice is to find your tribe earlier, seek them out, they are waiting for you, they will help you heal.
Seek professional help, it is not a weakness.
Do it sooner in your grief, its worth it, you are worth it
Big hugs,
Your older self and apprentice crone in the making
xx
Penelope Rabarts
