I reckon that time travel is an incredible concept as it offers the opportunity to do things differently in the past or to see what the future holds.
In my professional life working in project management for nearly three decades, one of the recommended activities at the completion of a project is capturing “lessons learned” to record learnings and opportunities for improvements in future projects.
In my personal life, I am often rather risk-averse and can sometimes take a long time to make decisions. And even once I’ve made up my mind, I wonder if I’ve made the right choice or if there was anything I could have done differently.
Over the past five years, I have been working on being kinder to myself and reminding myself that I am more than good enough. Of course, that’s not always easy when I have experienced heavy emotional tolls such as infertility losses and other personal traumas.
There are many circumstances in my life where I wish I’d had the courage and inner strength to make different choices or to even know there were other pathways to choose from rather than merely succumbing to societal and cultural expectations. And most importantly, knowing that it is perfectly okay to say NO rather than saying yes, often at the expense of my own mental health and wellbeing.
This WCW theme presented a fantastic opportunity to write a letter to myself. When I think of a pivotal time in my life, I’d say it would have been half a lifetime ago on my 25th birthday.
Dear Lizzie,
Happy Birthday for a quarter century of living on the planet Earth!
I know that you took a big step moving to Sydney for work and you don’t know many people to celebrate your birthday with. With everyone you know there either in relationships and/or married with kids, you’re wondering how long it will be before you find someone special to settle down with and raise a family.
Despite being raised to believe that the next logical step (after completing a university degree) is getting married in the next couple of years and to have at least one child by the age of 30, I want you to know that you do NOT have to follow this expected path. There is NO schedule or life plan that you have to follow.
There are a few highs and lows that happen over the next 25 years and I want to remind you that no matter what you end up going through, you are wonderful and worthy just as you are. There is a global “assumption” that we need to be in relationships and that women must have children to be contribute to the future of society.
Sometimes it takes longer than expected to meet someone you truly feel you can spend your life with. And the decision to have a child should be something you decide as a couple rather than meeting societal and cultural pressures.
I wish I could give you insights of the future and save you from any painful experiences. But those experiences, while often heart-breaking, will enable you to develop great levels of inner strength that you didn’t think were possible.
So I’d like to let you know a few key points about the next 25 years, no matter what decisions you make (or not make) and what life throws at you.
You are a good and responsible daughter and caring sister
You will be strongly encouraged and cajoled by Mum to “meet a nice boy and settle down” but don’t feel that you have to give into that pressure. You can and should say no!
You are a loyal friend who can be relied on but don’t let yourself get taken advantage of
You are always thinking of ways to help others, both at work and in your personal life – this is a great quality that you should be proud of
Please know that you are not alone when facing any painful experiences in the future – you have some wonderful friends who will be there for you no matter what!
You will find the courage to share your pain with others and help them move forward in their lives
Your worth as a woman is NOT attached to your ability to have a child. There will be times when family and friends can put unnecessary influence to “settle” for less than you are hoping for. So whatever you do, do NOT settle!
Don’t let others dissuade you from travel as it is an uplifting life experience that brings true joy and learning.
Be sure to forgive yourself when something doesn’t work out – it’s okay to make mistakes.
In the future, you will learn about hashtags – here’s my three favourites:
#NOisafullsentence
#selfcareisnotselfish
#RedefiningmyPlanA (I made that one up in 2018)
*Spoiler alert –we do find our soulmate, a little later than expected. But he is well worth the wait as he loves us just the way we are especially our mind!
LizC
Image by Pete Linforth from Pixabay