Beatrice from Ireland
I married a man 15 years my senior. He had had a vasectomy and had 6 children with his then deceased wife. We tried to have his vasectomy reversed and I tried to get pregnant with donor sperm. But to no avail. We were living with his two teenage sons.
We met in my ĺocal choir and it was all a bit whirlwind. I didn't really know him.
It was only when I moved in after we were married that I realised that he had left his wife for another woman and his wife was left with this large family to rear. He contributed financially to his wife but resentment had built up towards their father over the years.
I was in my early 40s and found all this emotional background very difficult. I loved my husband and we were very happy until he developed Alzheimers after 20 years. I developed cancer of the endometrium, in my mid fifties, due to my childlessness. I developed breast cancer 10 years later. Throughout my marriage, I held down a full time job as a clinical research associate and project manager. I have self published 3 books and have a wide circle of friends. I am now living on my own since my husband died.
I have a good social life, am 72 and have a boyfriend. I feel my childlessness now more than ever. I broke bones and had to manage on my own. Nobody is interested in a childless widow.
My sister is adored by her grandchildren. When she broke her leg, the whole neighbourhood turned out to help her. My sister in law, who has 5 children, married to my brother, told my brother that no woman is fulfilled without giving birth.
My mother died when I was 14 back in the 60s. I was sent to boarding school at the age of 10. My father died when I was 19. I had a difficult time over growing up becoming a " little mammy" to my brother when my mother became ill.
I never had a boyfriend when I was in my 20s as I was plagued with very bad acne. I lived in Ireland where there was no divorce, separation or re marriage. The catholic church reigned like the Taliban.
That is my story. I can't believe looking back on my life that I never had children. I simply never met anybody and nobody was interested in me. I wasn't cute or cunning when it came to getting a man and I came from a long line of independent women.
That is my story.
