Hello everyone, my name is Helen. It has been 7 years since I knew I needed to move on from trying to have children and that I would never be pregnant and be a mother.
My road has been rocky to say the least. I remember the early days when every time I looked at a pregnant woman, families or babies my body would be overwhelmed with pain and grief. At times anger oozed from within me and words were stuck, underneath balls of shame. I was ruled by what I should be like, what was OK and what wasn’t.
It was not easy and yes it felt like hell. I felt separated from friends, family and loved ones.
But as I look back, as I do each year, I am so grateful to be alive and living my life today. I can’t put a date on when this happened, it definitely happened slowly.
This August I went on a road trip with my partner through France, Italy and Switzerland. There were many times I sat and observed families and instead of the loss, grief or even jealousy that used to appear at those times – I felt instead gratitude and appreciation, for my life and what I was observing.
Yes – I was shocked – I remember Jody Day sharing that she felt gratitude for her life and I honestly thought – nope – no way. Yet it is true, life can be great again.
This year I booked myself into an expressive painting course. Onewhole week of painting, which was facilitated. Bliss.
This image shows you my first painting. We were asked to draw a head and to paint / express what was inside of it.
As an intuitive painter I followed my brush and allowed myself to choose the colours that called to me.
I don’t really think this represents or expresses what’s in my head, but what did come to the foreground is this little embryo. It appeared just like many things that come into my work.
I wanted to share this with you because I truly believe, and it may sound like a very weird thing,that out of grief and loss comes a light that shines within.
My journey continues and will do until the end.
I hope this image and little piece gives you hope.
Helen Segal
Empowered Childlessness
My name is Helen Segal and as a qualified counsellor and fellow childless woman, I hold the space for you to share your story and feel safe enough to be honest about your pain. I also have a group program called Grieve With Gusto Live where I combine counselling and art, showing women how they can use creativity as a tool to communicate and work through their emotions. With me by your side, I will guide you to feel stronger, empowered, happier and free.