SUNDAY 11th MAY
‘The Mum in Me’ starts where other debates about the topic ends; when the dream about having a child just has to be set aside – what then? What happens to a woman’s mind, her emotional life and her identity when she is hit by involuntary childlessness?
We all know that pregnancy and birth have substantial influence in a woman’s life. Still, we hardly ever talk about what it does to a woman not being able to experience childbirth, to become a mother and to follow a child through life. And this even though involuntary childlessness is increasing all over Europe.
15-25% of women and men born after 1970 in European countries experience childlessness, 80% of them involuntarily.
The director Hilde Merete Haug is the storyteller taking the audience on a challenging, but also a humorous and heartwarming journey, together with three other childless women. The documentary tells us why the need for children is so significant/immense for so many, and how it affects us and shapes us as human beings when it does not materialize. Sorrow, desperation, and isolation is part of the everyday life for the involuntary childless. All these aspects are illuminated in the film. Psychology specialists tell us that involuntary childlessness can be categorized as a psychological trauma. At the same time, this documentary is about reconciliation and newfound zest for life!
When I was a child and asked what I wanted to become as an adult, I responded ‘A proper mum’. When I was 25, I wanted children very strongly, but my partner at that time was not ready, so I decided to wait until the time was right. When I was 30, my sisters and friends, gave birth to one lovely child after another - and I occasionally stated, half serious half as a joke; ‘I am afraid I will be 40 before I give birth to my first child…’
Today I am 58 and I have never given birth - so what happened to the mum in me, and what happened to me who never became a mum?
Hilde Merete Haug, the Director
Dates: The free screening will be available for 24 hours and coincide with Mother’s Day in the US.
US: Sunday 11th May - 9am EST for 24 hours (find your timezone here)
Price: The screening is FREE to attend but if you would like to make a donation to help cover the deficit in the production costs, the bank details are as follows:
Hilde Merete Haug
Eikeleina 66, 3472 Bodalen
Norway
IBAN: NO6591002290990
Additional Information: If the subtitles are not visible, click on the CC button in the bottom right of the screen, and click on English. Then, if you want to get rid of the black field behind the text, click on Customize, then choose Opacity and then choose 0%, and then the text will be plain white without the black field.
TRIGGER WARNING: Hilde’s life changed, so when the film was made, she had three bonus children and six bonus grandchildren. The grandchildren appear in some of the sequences in the film.
Click HERE to watch the trailer
Hilde Merete Haug, the Director
Hilde has been longing for children since she was a child herself. She was convinced she could combine a career as a social scientist in international development aid with becoming a mother, but this turned out to be impossible.
She had a promising career, ironically working with pregnancy and birth issues, sexual and reproductive health, but since she was sharing her life with a man who first and foremost gave priority to his own academic career, she waited for too long, had several miscarriages and failed to give birth to her own children. This complete disharmony between expectations and reality, led to devastating consequences in Hilde’s life.
Cristina Archetti
Cristina is a researcher who has always prioritized her work, taking it for granted she would become a mother when the time was right, but realized getting pregnant was not as easy as she had expected. When IVF also failed, she experienced an existential crisis that made her reconsider the purpose of life.
Cristina was determined to be a woman in control, but realizing she was not, she started fighting a battle to break down the taboos and silence surrounding childlessness. She then understood that the source of her grief was a sense of responsibility she felt towards her family - even if they had never put pressure on her. She also realized that her body was not “defective” for not getting pregnant: that was a demeaning label produced by society. She started doing research on the topic, incorporating her personal story in her writing to provide an intimate insight into what it means and how it feels to be childless. Cristina has worked with the topic for a decade, and she is now also a psychotherapist. She has been World Childless Week Ambassador since 2018.
Linda Malm
Linda always wanted children, but it did not happen naturally, so she proceeded with IVF (In Vitro Fertilization) in her thirties. But when she was hit by breast cancer in her late thirties and went through heavy treatment, she was told it was too risky for her to proceed with further IVF treatment.
When she wanted to adopt instead, she was told she was too old. Still Linda was handling her situation in a calm way. She immediately created a blog and a Facebook group, assisting other childless women, and she became the Chair of the Swedish association called ‘Barnlängtan’ (‘Longing for a child’). Linda was apparently at ease with her destiny assisting other women in their process towards reconciliation, but suddenly, she was hit by her own sorrow and deep existential thoughts on what life is all about when the children she longed for were not there. During this process, Linda also created the association and the blog ‘Andra sidan tröskeln’ (‘The other side of the Threshold’) for the permanently childless.
Hildegun Sarita
Hildegun grew up internationally as an expat child, always dreaming of a family of her own. Married early, she watched friends and family conceive, feeling increasing desperation when not able to herself. She went through years of trying to conceive, going through medical evaluations, eventually facing a final loss due to endometriosis and hysterectomy.
Then started a long and winding road from excruciating pain to a journey of healing – still in progress. As a clinical psychologist she felt overwhelming shame in not being able to control the intensity of pain leaving her at loss of direction, existential meaning and selfesteem. Diagnosed with breast cancer, she felt it was nothing compared to the loss of a family. Where childlessness felt like shattering loneliness, cancer was an experience of care and connection. Today she works clinically with trauma survivors and has co-founded the Flexid foundation, aimed at young minority kids and their families.
