Disintegrating Dream- choreographed and performed by Kirstie

Dance was my first love and first great loss in life. I was injured at 18 in an RTA that left me with back issues and chronic pain-unable to pursue my career in dance. So like most of us I’d felt huge loss before. Yet nothing prepared me for the intense and ongoing loss of becoming Childless.

I was inspired to create this piece when I heard Chiara Berardelli perform her album Seamonster. Just as the urge to be a mother will never leave me, dance never truly left me. When I hear music I still see it as movement in my head. Chiara kindly allowed me to choreograph to the beautiful Free Floating Love and I’m so grateful to her for the inspiration and nudge to get back to being creative.

I’ve never choreographed professionally and haven’t danced for an audience for over 20 years so this is a very personal response to my Childless journey so far.  I see Disintegrating Dream as Stage 1 - when you still have all those hopes and dreams of having a baby/child but the reality that this isn’t going to be possible is starting to make itself (very uncomfortably) felt. I wanted to film outside to try and capture that feeling of being part of society but set apart, you can’t join in, it’s going on around you. So if you can, imagine more people in the background, families having picnics, children playing and laughter and noise intruding into the sound.

I hope in the future to create more pieces reflecting the further stages of the Childless journey. It would be lovely to be able to create with fellow Nomos. I strongly feel that movement can have therapeutic benefits. For me it’s not about being a fabulous dancer it’s about connecting to your story and I thank WCW for giving me the opportunity and encouragement to connect and express mine.