4. lucky POSTER.jpg

No kids? Lucky you!

Steph asked how people feel when they hear this comment. How have they responded, how have they felt and if they have let it pass, what would they have liked to say?

My husband said he feels like those with kids can be really ungrateful and take life for granted.

It makes me angry and frustrated, I used to react and say sarcastically yes I never need a sitter and can please myself all the time in a very sarcastic voice before walking away. Maturity helps allow me to bite my tongue and change the subject if it's not possible to completely disengage from the person or topic

I find that this comment says more about the person saying it and their own struggles than it does about my own personal situation. I usually shrug and say, "I wouldn't know."

I do my best not to say anything. You can't fix stupid. I do my best not to feel bitterness. If I want to say something I would say “Nothing lucky about finding out after many years of trying to fix issues with all sorts of treatments to find out via blood tests that all the things we tried to fix me didn't work. And now the rest of my life not even one time one chance of being intimate will result in having a baby and we will spend our lives without biological children. Nothing lucky about a broken body not being able to be fixed AND NO IVF won't work as I'm no great candidate for IVF

I say something along the same lines like "Actually, you are the lucky one." or "Different strokes for different folks, let's just agree to disagree on this one."

This happened at a party. I was speechless and couldn't think of anything to say so my husband spoke up and said "Well maybe not lucky but no, we don't have kids" So thankful for husbands

This is a red rag to a bull for me. Often I just shrug as to be honest I can't be doing with the loaded judgement that comes from this statement, and if it's in a social situation I don't want to rub salt into that wound they have just opened. Especially if my partner is there. Usually it's from someone who has children, who usually smile or laugh when saying it, like it's some sort of in joke. More recently, I'll say 'not for want of trying' or 'I would have liked the chance to find out'. Once, once, I rolled my eyes and walked off. I know, juvenile right? Felt bloody marvellous.

More and more I'm responding calmly but quite icily with "I don't think so, it's not by choice" then watching some severe squirming embarrassment.