It's all in God's Plan
Steph asked how people feel when they hear this comment. How have they responded, how have they felt and if they have let it pass, what would they have liked to say?
I'm a nonbeliever, so I view it like I do any other attempt to explain bad things in the name of God - an attempt to reclaim control from the world. We struggle a lot with a world where bad things sometime happen, and invoking God's plan is a means to try to give some measure of comfort to the confusing and painful reality that some people just have bad things happen to them for no reason at all. I don't take it personally - I know it's coming from a good place - but it's like trying to console someone who lost a family member unexpectedly. You can tell me it was their time all you want, but sometimes people die young and violently for no reason beyond random chance, and it's okay for that to make you sad and frustrated and angry. You have to feel those emotions to move on from it.
I just say that I don't believe in god. And if you think that god exists why doesn't he want me to have kids? It makes me feel angry at the person who really thinks it is god's plan. It is like telling me that I don't deserve it.
I am religious, but I don't really believe it's "God's plan." Is it Gods plan to give children to pedophiles, murderers, rapists, abusers, etc? Is it gods plan to place these children in danger from their own parents? Why would God plan for children to be born to parents who would murder them, but let loving people who would live them go without?
It's all in god’s plan. I'll be blunt, what a load of bollocks is my initial reaction, I think it's a very horrible thing to say, especially when you already feel like the world is against you with infertility. I can’t imagine how hurtful it is when you are a believer and someone's says that to you. Nowadays I tell someone where to go instantly if this is said, or say it's a good job I don't believe his plan then, I'm a spiritualist so.... I already do the devils work in some people's opinions lol x
It's very ignorant to say it
It's in God's Plan? He wants a stable, happily married, educated couple with a home and steady income to not have children, yet crack whores who abandon them get pregnant? I have thick skin, but this comment is one that really gets under my skin.
They are much rather interested in making comments about someone's miracle when hope was lost, about some rare medicine I could try, church I could visit. Or, which is the most annoying; they look at me as a rare animal especially being judgmental about my efforts to become a mom. About God, maybe it is his plan. But the fact is, although I found God later in life but not in radical or fundamental way, I am having a hard time to make connection with him, feeling not loved. Not that I am particularly sad about that, rather I feel angry. I don't think they have a bad intention, just want to find the right words. Those are probably most lighthearted comments from someone who tries to give comfort.
I was going to use so much flowery and descriptive language to describe my answer here but I agree with a vast majority of people above me, it hurtful and contrite to say it wasn't meant to be. No matter far along on I am on the cnbc journey I too bite my tongue and do my best to avoid the question completely.
Argh! I say I'm not religious and just reiterate it was obviously not meant to be. Drives me crackers when someone says that
This attitude I do NOT tolerate and I do NOT let it pass because that kind of statement creates atheists and pushes people away from the all consuming love of Christ. I guess people like to think that everything about their lives is handpicked by God (how many times have you seen the "I can’t believe God picked ME to be their mom!" sounds all nice and rainbows and unicorns but its bunk).
The fact is God has a very specific plan that he has ordained and that is the eternal salvation of as many people as possible. And the chances of your little Bobby or Susie being the next Abraham or John the Baptist are slim. The thing is, no. Not everything is planned (forced) by God. He is not sitting up in heaven picking and choosing who gets babies anymore than he is choosing who gets cancer, or where hurricanes go. That's asinine.
Lately I point to Jeremiah 19:5 to start the discussion where God is speaking and He is describing a nation so vile and disgusting, doing things like child sacrifice etc. and He is very adamant that he did not command this, that it did not even ENTER HIS MIND for them to do this.
Not everything is God's plan, not everything is what He wants. But people throw this out there to make themselves feel better and absolve themselves of having to analyze their own actions and consequences or to avoid having to pretend to have empathy.
Carl and I avoid this one like the plague! I am not religious but respect everyone has a right to choose. Although I was baptised C of E (and Carl Catholic) we were not raised in the church. I am a godmother three times over because my friends think I am a good role model for their children. They do not expect me to follow the faith, just love and inspire the children to be good people. I do not belittle anybody's beliefs, but ask for mutual respect not to have it forced upon me either. I am open to learning more as long as I ask first. If somebody tells me they will pray for me at their mosque, church, synagogue, I take that as someone caring or showing good intent and compassion. However, if I feel like someone is preaching at me or telling me I am not good enough in God's eyes to be blessed with a child I have to bite my tongue and walk away. FAST.
I find these people to be the biggest hypocrites of all. I left a Facebook group because the religious aspect didn't really resonate or leave me feeling connected with that group. I am spiritual and quite grounded but I cannot believe in a creator who gave so many hard knocks to one person, yet some of the most heinous humans I know get everything handed to them. That goes for many wonderful folks suffering vs. many narcissistic people I know living the life of Riley.
I do my best not to respond. I don't like it when people say 'in Gods timing'. Well sometimes God says 'no' or yes in different ways.
I remember recently saying to a group of faithful people in an elevator this fact and everyone smiled and no one had a response.