Tavinder Kaur New
1) I had to search for myself, pick up the shattered pieces of my dream, and recover. It has not been easy and takes strength and years.
2) Grief isn’t circular; it hits when least expected and is a constant friend. Triggers are there, such as pregnancies or seeing a baby, and it is never easy to navigate.
3) Just because I am not a mother, I still care, feel empathy, and love children. I am not less because I did not give birth to a baby, and I understand the sacrifices, as I made several when I did IVF.
4) This isn’t what I chose to do; it is a huge adjustment to life. When you ask me if I have a child, it is so difficult to answer that question, and it makes me feel very uncomfortable.
5) It is difficult to hear others talk about children, stories of pregnancies and labour, to feel alienated within a room, and to be the only one who can’t say anything about this life experience.
6) I feel I am amazing for moving, maintaining my marriage, and working with young people within a college environment to help shape their lives and contribute to their future.
7) I felt a failure, unable to create a life when I had IVF, and I could not give us a child. I questioned my decision-making and blamed myself for a long time.
8) I feel society is focused on children and families, such as Easter, summer holidays, and Christmas. I often feel that I can’t fit in or socialise with others, as I am the only one who doesn’t have a child.
9) Others walk away when I say no, I don’t have a child, and it is extremely difficult to make friends. I have comments such as 'I have it easy', 'I am lucky', or 'I don’t have to think about children'.
10) I did not choose this path. I had imagined our lives in another place, such as having children, and unfortunately, it did not happen for us.
