I read the following in a Facebook Childless Support group and was instantly shouting in my head “yes, yes, yes”. Words full of passion and strength. Words to uplift and believe in. Words we need to remind ourselves of on the days when we are feeling a little low or dare I say it… unworthy.
Stephanie Phillips
Founder, World Childless Week
Shared with full permission from the author
We should be heard. We should stop being the secret statistics of society that get overlooked or discarded like a used rag. The hushed voices whispering our grief to people and feeling ashamed or guilty or unworthy because we have not produced offspring.
We should be able to hold up our heads when people ask 'how many kids do you have' and reply with dignity and pride that we were the ones not destined for children but for other things in life. We should be respected and accepted for that. We should be embraced and supported for that.
We should be able to talk about our experiences, our infertility, miscarriages, baby losses, relationship circumstances, financial dramas, disabilities, illnesses and any other reasons why we have been unable to have biological or adopted children without being judged or treated like a riddle to solve or like a puzzle to put back together. We should be accepted and understood. We should be respected for our choices that were difficult to make and that lay heavy in our hearts because we know there was a limit we had to reach that took us to this heartbreaking decision or to the inevitable outcome we find ourselves in. We are having to fight the fight we never expected would come, some of us have been fighting a battle we knew we would never win but we fought anyway and have the scars to prove it.
And we continue to fight each day for our right to be heard, for our right to be included, for our right to be treated as equals and to not be the butt of cruel jokes or be treated as simpletons or as broken people or rejected cases. We have every right to be heard. We have every right to be accepted and we don't need to stay in the shadows, being an after thought or a pity case.
Stand up to those who put you down, who make you feel less of a human because for some unknown reason you have not been able to produce children, we are worth more than that. YOU are worth more than that. It's a commonality to be able to follow societies rules, to find a mate, to make a nest, to produce offspring for future domination and for them to do the same. It is a rarer thing to find yourself against the tide, to be on the sidelines watching the baby race and knowing you can't enter, so you start a new path, you turn from what is expected and you stand up taller and you forge on ahead. You can be something even better, you can be someone even stronger than you ever imagined. The sooner we realise this, the quicker the rest of the world will catch on and stop pushing us to the bottom of the pile and treating us like discards of society.
Build yourself up, speak out, let them know you are here and that you do matter. When you believe in yourself, others will believe in you and then, you can conquer your world in a new way.
Phew! That was a lot of passion for a rainy Tuesday morning in the UK! Have a great, empowering day people. You are strong and inspirational and I thank you all for keeping going, for not giving up on yourself or each other. Together we will eventually break our silence and be represented as a section of society who are just as important and just as worthy as everyone else, just in our own unique ways.
Leanne