I See Red

---

Carrie Thewlis

---

I see red

Red again

Another month

Another one gone

A missed opportunity

The lost years

We spent

Like this

Where did it go?

The 35,

37, 39, and in between, beyond

Just a waiting game

For something longed for

It would never come.

I see red

Now, in a different way

An anger

A fire

Burning on my face

The way I am sidelined, disregarded

Nothing to offer

Just me at the table

Whilst you take up

So much space.

Where are they though?

The little ones

That are ours

The ones that should be here

At the table

The ones I love

They are missing

But not from my heart.

I see red

And they are gone

One by one

My Hetty, my Bertie, my Clay

I know what I have lost

I do not cry in front of you

But inside I am screaming.

I see red

My face

Stained with tears

In the bathroom mirror

Where I will never

Look into my eyes

And see the future

That I longed for.

I see red.