You would have to have children
To understand.
It's a phrase spoken onto me
Like footprints in sand.
Surface and Exhale
On a Friday in July 2016, I flew from Toronto to Los Angeles and took a shuttle to Pasadena. The next morning, I was to meet 14 strangers in a second-floor meeting room at the Pasadena Playhouse theatre.
Read moreArtbeat
8 Ivf treatments - 3 natural pregnancies - Made a total of 9 pregnancies & 9 miscarriages
Read moreChasing hope or letting go
It has always been a dream to to a be a mother. Unfortunately, not all dreams are made to come true, no that dream for us was destined to remain just that, a dream.
Read moreA Letter To My Unborn Children
It has not been for lack of wanting, nor trying for that matter, that you have not come earthside. Life can be hard here, even when I’m doing my best, thriving, and have been given so many reasons to be grateful.
Read moreLullaby for an unborn child
Hush little baby
You can now close your eyes
Your mama’s asleep
Her lips murmur “Goodbye”
Childless Statistics UK 2023
I painted this picture to show that current statistics show that there are in fact a lot of childless people which many are unaware of as it is a little discussed subject.
Read moreWoman and Clocks
In this creative art piece I reflect on my painful experience of childlessness..
Read moreGoodbye to motherhood
I've thought about you, imagined you, dreamed about you, planned for you, prayed for you, and wanted you. But none of these things were powerful enough to overcome higher reasons of you not being able to come to me.
Read moreStained
Death of a Dream
How does a dream die?
Is it a beloved pet in your vet’s office?
The dream spreading and growing beyond anyone's control.
A cancer growing ever larger.
Read moreScars are proof the past was real
"It's gone. Isn't it?" The recovery room nurse hesitated, her eyes flitting to my chart. "Yes... It is. I'm so sorry."
Read moreIn The Storm
“It’s still raining.” After 27 years, it’s still raining. The white fluffy clouds that hung over our confident, optimistic, dream filled hearts that day in June 1993, became dark and gloomy very soon after.
Read moreMy Mother’s Aspiration, Not Mine
My name is Carol, and I am the firstborn of my parents’ seven children. My parents home schooled us, took us to church every Sunday, and formerly subscribed to the Bill Gothard philosophy of “if you can have kids, have as many as possible.”
Read moreQueer and Childless
It started with a childhood where my mother was regarded as housekeeper, cook, nanny and maid. Not as a person. Not as a woman. I knew she was unhappy most of the time. I am not going to be like her.
Read moreHeld With Love
We finished our final round of IVF in Spring 2015 & although none of them resulted in a pregnancy I very much feel a connection with the embryos we created and I carried, however briefly.
Read moreLeaving Home In So Many Ways
I was born before the cultural uproar of the 1960s in the United States in the Greater Boston area of New England in the United States.
Read moreIt Was Alway's Somebody Else's Business
When I was 16, Mother's OBG asked to see me for an exam. He was the one who fed the DES to her, which also meant me, as there were signs of another miscarry.
Read moreDear Sam
Dear “Sam”- I will never know you but it felt like I did for so long.
Read moreEn la espera de Celeste, Javier y Ximena
¡Cuántasvecestehabrésoñado! (English translation included)
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