Stephanie Stryker

The haunting outro of the song hits like a dagger to the heart. So many of us going through this journey struggle with the concept of emptiness, lack of legacy, and existential grief. When you're making the next decisions of what to do (or not do) during your treatments, you have to consider the permanence of each of those choices. You wince with every glimmer of hope you allow, knowing that it will probably be punished with failure (often costing thousands of dollars to boot).

At some point, you begin to wonder if the emptiness of a future without your dreams is going to become reality, even after you've fought with every ounce of your being.

Trivia: At the tail end of the track, listen closely with headphones on. You can hear the sound of a revolving door, the one that leads to one of my fertility clinics.

I can’t feel you anymore
You waited for me
I kept saying no
Not now, but soon
I could feel you leave the room
It’s colder than it was before
Now it’s quiet where you were
Can’t hear you anymore

With each sunrise I die
Reminds me of the future
Without you
Without you

I’d give anything
To go back I’d give anything
To know that
You could still be mine
What would it be like?
I just know what it’s like
Without you

I’ll never know you, will I?
How could I, I didn’t try
All I can do is rewrite the past
As the blood drained from my face
And my heart was in a vice
I knew it’d be goodbye
And now I pay the price
Guess it wasn’t meant to be
My soul it falls away like leaves
My dreams follow with the breeze
Just want one simple thing

I’d give anything
To go back
I’d give anything
To know that
You could still be mine
I’m running out of time
Don’t wanna know what it’s like
Without you
Without you

I look into the black
How would it feel
Behind me
My thousand mothers cry
Their blood stops with mine
And now I end their line
As I join the cold infinity
Without you