Emma Chutter

Last year I finally plucked up the courage to tell people how I feel. I asked if I could have a 10 minute slot at my church to tell people about World Childless Week and share this poem that I wrote. The response was one of overwhelming support and allowed others to share their own childless stories with me.

I live with a secret, that I don’t like to tell
The questioning hurts and I don’t always cope that well.

I still trust in God, but I don’t understand,
Why I have been made this way, but my life is in His hands.

His ways are higher than my ways, his thoughts are higher too.
So, if I choose to open up, it means that I trust you.

It wasn’t meant to be this way, I can’t change how I am
Do you not think I’ve considered all the options that I can?

I don’t need your suggestions: I don’t want your advice.
Just some love and acceptance, that would be nice!

I don’t want you to be sorry for me or feel ill at ease
If you don’t know what to say, it’s ok to say nothing. Please.

If I don’t attend your events or choose to spend time alone,
It’s not about you, something you may have said or done.

I just can’t handle that situation and may feel out of place.
Respectfully, just allow me to have some time and space.

But please be my friend. Offer prayer and comfort if I’m upset
But I know I will never get over it, and I will never forget.

I can’t put into words the way it makes me feel,
I don’t like to say it out loud, because that just makes it real.

But here goes: I am childless, and not by choice
It’s not something I can change, but I still have a voice.

I can raise awareness and be there for others,
Who know they can never be fathers and mothers.