E Rapsey

Part 1. The beginning:

Everyday I smile, I say that I’m ok,
As another part of me breaks & falls silently away.
Everyday I laugh, I joke along with the rest,
Yet inside I’m tormented & being put to the test.
Everyday I’m up & dressed, I put on a good show,
That my body has let me down, no one will ever know.
Everyday surrounded by families filled with happiness,
As I sink further down, down into the abyss.
Everyday I see the bigger picture, I'm skilled at using reason,
Yet the hurt remains present, through each & every season.
Everyday that I’m reminded of new life surrounding me,
I’m scared of becoming bitter, longing for what will never be.
Everyday I go to work, to others I’m strong,
But my pain is hidden, they couldn’t be more wrong.
So everyday I’ll smile again, I’ll say that I’m ok,
As long as that’s what they see,
maybe I’ll find a way.

Part 2. 5-years on:

I often wonder what is the point of me?
Hollow & adrift in the vast, vast sea
My colour & light trying to shine bright
Yet even the stars are darkened by the longest night
Distant glimmers but really now gone
What lies there now, where hope once belonged?
An empty vessel, purpose unknown
A jovial voice, hiding the saddest tone
Grateful for each day, in many ways I’m blessed
Yet my soul continues to search & wonder
An endless pursuit of unreachable rest
I often wonder what is the point of me?
When I’m gone, what will be left?