Jolene
1. Not becoming a mother ripped apart everything I though I was going to be. I felt useless, empty and with no purpose to myself or anyone. Everything I thought I had to give to a child was going to be wasted.
2. I learned to speak up for myself. The medical community seems to treat you as a problem to be fixed. While TTC, my losses and grief were not taken into account, and I felt pushed to accept treatment. I forgot about and was never reminded that I could say no, or that I could take a break. I received no referrals for help with the grief of my losses let alone any recognition that they were losses.
3. I learned that there is no recognition for childless/free people. Extra weight is always added to any opinion that is started with 'as a parent'. There are no role models held up for the community. Celebrities (particularly female) are always asked about children. Conversations in public, at work and with family are always dominated by talk of children. I fell alone, ignored and not worthy.
4. I discovered the importance of community. I found a community of people like me. I discovered that there will always be people I can reach out to for help when I need support.
5. I am strong and have built resilience. I can pull myself together and cope when I must. I have learned tools to help me mentally. These tools have helped me in other difficult situations as well so my experience has really helped me to grow and develop.
6. I had to really sit down and remember what is at the core of me, what I really enjoy, what I really like and re-build myself based on that.
7. I re-discovered I love colour, food and to grow things. A bright colourful plate of fresh food really fuels my soul and my body. Cooking and baking are relaxing activities for me. Feeding myself and others is one of my favourite ways to care for others (family/friends).
8. I am creating a sanctuary for myself. My home is filled with houseplants and often fresh flowers. I love music and I love to read. Dancing and singing out of tune or escaping into a story, travelling through words, learning something new through a book is wonderful. I treasure books that I have enjoyed and books that mean something important to me.
9. I am creating sanctuary for others. I co-lead a support group at work that meets to create a safe space for others in the same situation I was/am in and we share resources, conversations or just a laugh.
10. I learned I need to push to claim my space as a childless person. We are not recognized so I have become an activist with a lowercase ‘a’. I present myself as a childless person when meeting new people. I joined a Women's Network and push to have Childlessness on the agenda. We delivered a lunch-and-learn session through the Women's Network. I stand up at a welcome event for new staff event and talk about our support group and what we do and why we need to exist.
