Amanda

Yes something is very wrong, I have an invisible chronic lifelong illness called Endometriosis that has resulted in childlessness, reduced earnings, stalled my career progress, caused damage to personal relationships and taken me to the darkest places I have ever known.

There is no cure and can affect many different organs in the body, cells grow and develop a glue that causes my insides to slowly fuse together causing pain and damage that can only be fully resolved with a highly specialised operation. The condition is still now not well understood and it took over 8 years with initial dismissal of my pain before I could find out what it was.

Yet:

People talk over me as I am cheerful, what could be possibly wrong with her?
When I do explain I have the illness people listen and I know they have not.
No one likes to sit with me for long when I explain, too busy trying to push away the thoughts of what it might be like if it was them.
I can be isolated as I cannot have what others easily could, when I tell my story, they acknowledge at the time and then on subsequent occasions speak over me anyway with endless stories of their happy families.
Often I remain stay silent, its not worth speaking and I will put my efforts elsewhere.
I often feel tired, there’s always a comment.
Three operations will not fully solve it and it can re-emerge with different symptoms.
Animals understand, most humans don’t.

And yet:

I appreciate what others don’t.
I am open to a world full of wonder and possibility when others wish to complain.
I know what time means - I am present and happy with who I am so I have more of it.
I am determined where others can’t be bothered.
I know what will sustain me and like my own company.
I am always ready to learn more.
Music rocks my world - there’s always more to discover.
I am making my own trail, no one will stop me.
Animals and birds are my constant companions.
My husband has introduced me to the stars and heavens above and I see what matters.