Robyn Jamieson-Voss
I’ve been pretty lucky with friends in my life over the last few years. I’ve been able to be quite open about my infertility and childlessness, and I’ve had a lot of support from friends. But there is one friend in particular that has showed so much empathy, compassion, and kindness that I feel so blessed to have her in my life.
She and I have been friends for about 17 years – we work together, we’ve played soccer together, we’ve gone through break-up/divorce, we know all of each other’s secrets, and we’ve gone through pregnancy/infertility together. She had just moved back to the city with her husband and young daughter. There was one day at work that we met first thing in the morning to go grab a coffee, and she stopped me for a moment.
She said, “I have something I need to tell you, but I’m terrified of hurting your feelings.”
With tears in her eyes, she said “I’m pregnant with my second baby.”
I felt my tears sting my eyes, and I said “Really? That’s wonderful! But you aren’t hurting my feelings by telling me!”
She responded by saying, “But I know how hard infertility has been on you, and I don’t want to hurt you with my news!”
And I said, “You can’t hurt me with your news. Of course, it is hard because my infertility has been hard, but I love you for taking such care to tell me privately and letting me feel my emotions!”
We hugged and cried together. It was hard to hear her news, but only because it was something I couldn’t achieve. But the most amazing thing, though, was that we had a safe space between us where I could ask her about her pregnancy, and she would share with me. I also had a safe space where I could express my emotion along the way, but it was never a threat to her own emotions and happiness about being pregnant.
Over the years, she has learned that pregnancy announcements are hard for me, so when an announcement comes from a co-worker, she always reaches out to ask if I’m doing ok. She has always been so supportive, understanding, and empathetic about the things I feel.
Over time, we have always had a perfect balance of friendship, conversation, and care. Sometimes the kids are involved when my husband and I get together with her and her husband. And sometimes the kids aren’t involved when we go out together. Sometimes we talk about the kids, and sometimes we don’t. It has never felt like imposed conversation, nor have I ever had to ask her to never talk about her girls. It’s just a part of life in perfect balance with everything else.
I feel lucky that her and I have such a long-standing friendship that has flowed through all of our life changes. More than anything, though, I am grateful for how supportive she has been in my journey toward accepting my childless life. She has shown me love, compassion, and empathy in ways that I will never forget. She is what a true friend is.
I want to dedicate this day to her, and I am forever grateful for her!
Photo by Joseph Pearson on Unsplash