Tavinder Kaur New

I moved to Bournemouth this year as a way to find a different way to have a family. I am near Mark’s parents, and it has helped to have support and help with re-establishing roots from Dagenham. I have been able to investigate and find another adventure. Therefore, hopefully build up different memories.

It doesn’t take away the reality that this was not what I thought I would be doing at this stage of my life. I see other people with their children and feel a tremendous loss in our lives.

I have noticed that grief has lessened over time. I feel I can pick up children and still have love, and this hasn’t changed. I still have triggers that can occur unexpectedly and with no warning. However, I can recover from these situations better and carry on with life.

I am writing about childlessness and conveying this online, within open mic, and being published on the subject; this has helped to process and heal. It is also something that I did not imagine as something I would be doing. However, I feel it has been important to highlight the subject across social media as World Childless Week is undertaking.

I feel I have travelled from such a dark passage of grief into laughter, joy, and new horizons, which I did not think were possible in this journey.

I am finding myself; it hasn’t been easy to pick up the pieces and to start going out to meet people. It has been very difficult, as my desire to have a child has not ended, I cry when I am faced with the reality that we don’t have children. I feel anger that this is not where I wanted life to be -grief is a friend for life.

However, grief doesn’t cloak my life in the same way.

Today I feel I that I can find fun and have grown with a different understanding where I would like my life to be and be grateful for where I have ended up.