Catherine Spieß

I wrote this in my diary on 4. July 2023.

Today was a tough emotional roller coaster for us. So thankful that your Step Dad was there. He is such a lovely person. We did manage to laugh, sing and smile a bit between tears. Thanks for helping me not collaspe.

Definately it was not easy going to the house on Charlotten street weeks before today. The nice lady that now lives there let me honour you and place a painted rock in the garden. I felt it important to try to overcome my fears of that house and time.

Your painted rock is now there should you have the need to retreat there. I so loved to do garden work there. With you in my belly and Belle being the most wonderful dog ever by my side was so important to me.

Apparently the house still belongs to your father. Perhaps he will be informed I was there and know that we still have our bond despite whatever should have happened between your father and myself. I truly hope he thinks of you.

I also hope you are ok with me making a memorial ritual at the hospital that took you away from me without allowing me to bury you. At least, they can never take you away spiritually from me.

No words can describe the pain, my sorrow. Only my love for you helps me.

Thank you my precious child.

Dieser Weg wird nicht leichter sein. Dieser Weg wird steinig und schwer. (This path will not be easier. This path will be rocky and difficult)

My life’s goal is to keep spreading our painted rocks as a means of love, communication, understanding and bond.

And hey

should someone seriously forbid me then, we have a hell of a story to tell and

as last defense, you as my rock always there to protect me –

So need be – just nudge me to throw that painted rock at anyone who dares to ever again try to separate us.