When I hear “We Are Worthy”, I often hear an assertion - not so strong as to be aggressive, but as though there is doubt to be refuted or a defensiveness filtering the words - enough to colour the tone. I have noticed this in myself: that I am expecting resistance to this idea of worthiness, and no amount of noticing has shifted this inner critic of mine. No matter how many times I have said to myself “Would it be sweet to hear acknowledgement and to trust it as genuine? To not always be doubting people’s intent or looking for a dark hidden motive?”; or, “I notice an urge in myself to dismiss this person’s thanks to me. Why can’t I just accept it at face value? Why do I doubt it?”.
At my local pool the other day, receiving with joy was shown to me. There was a sky writer practicing drawing hearts in the sky. I think they were learning as there were no names or initials added to the slightly wonky hearts. One of the swim coaches at the pool saw them, looked around and called out to a young boy she clearly knew from coaching his swimming, calling him by name across the pool and claiming that she was sending him this heart. He was delighted and so excited, and she responded by piling on the praise and admiration - telling him it was just for him, that he was such a wonderful boy etc, and he was asking her how did you draw that giant heart in the sky? And she responded that she just opened up to the possibility and it happened. Then there came another heart, and she sent that one to the second young boy (who had been playing with the first, and who she also knew by name from coaching him swimming). This boy actually writhed with pleasure to be sent a sky heart. Neither doubted for a second that she had drawn these hearts. It was a delicious interaction for us all. I didn’t know what to admire more - her appropriation of the hearts as gifts or their simple joy in being loved and appreciated in this way, without expectation.
That hidden threat of expectation (that you’ll continue to do what you’re being thanked for or you’ll be rejected) is real and needs to be noticed or even called out if it's safe to do so; and that applies when its me looking at how to serve others without considering my own needs too. When there is no expectation of it continuing, the gift of warm acceptance can be received with joy. That we belong and are worthwhile, not for anything we do, but for everything we are. Mattering, to ourselves and others. May the world send you sky hearts.
Susan Dowrie
Photo by Natalie Chaney on Unsplash