For a long time, my childless story was something I hid and kept silent. It was taboo, and a source of judgement. My story owned me. When I began to share my childless story with someone else, I began to own it. My story suddenly had value.
Sharing my story publicly has been one of the keys to my healing journey and my path to acceptance. The first time I took that step to share my story, I was filled with fear. That shift from the story owning me to me owning the story was a difficult one. For so long I believed in the judgements that came my way, that I was less and unworthy. I hadn’t yet found my voice, and so the only voice that was heard were those who said that I was <something negative> because I didn’t have children. Stepping out and letting my voice be heard is a very vulnerable space – it’s saying “this is who I am and what I’ve experienced”, rather than being the <something negative> because I didn’t have children. I had control of the narrative, even if I didn’t have control of the reaction from others.
I remember that first time I told my story. I authored a piece for a childless not by choice blog several years ago. It was a safe space because it was only geared toward those who are in the childless not by choice community. No one in my family/social circle would know it was there. Putting my words out there brought a sense of relief because I owned it, and I was proud of it. Then came another publication for another website, and then my first submissions to World Childless Week a few years back. The most difficult place to share was to my family/social circle on social media. It’s difficult to share a taboo and often shameful subject to those you know. But the more I shared, the easier it became. And the more I shared, the more I began to hear from the people in my life, appreciating my experience, thanking me for opening their eyes to others’ experiences, and even that my story has helped some in their own struggles.
Owning my story, sharing it, and being vulnerable with it has allowed me to accept my story for what it is instead of hiding it and accepting the judgements in its place. It has allowed me to see my story with value. Every time I share my story I get beautiful comments back from someone, whether it is a stranger, a friend, a co-worker, or my mom (thanks mom for always commenting and supporting me). Those comments are what encourages me to keep sharing my story and giving it value. I may not have been able to have the life I dreamed of, but my life still has value, and my childless story is part of that.
Robyn Jamieson-Voss
Photo by Alex Shute on Unsplash