Melissa Mangini

Is this what it’s like to be a mother?

Feeling his beating heart against mine
Licks on my cheek instead of kisses.

Admiring his chubby legs as he zooms around the house.
Four where there’s meant to be two.

Snuggling against my neck with floppy ears tickling me.
Not clammy skin but fur -- soft and white.

Nipping at my fingers with his sharp teeth.
Little daggers instead of toothless suckling.

Crying in the middle of the night.
Not for his bottle but to go out to potty.

Feeling joy in the smallest moments of togetherness.
You are not at school but waiting at the door for me.

Feeling the gut wrenching grief of his loss
A full life but one that was far too short.

Is this what it’s like to be a mother?
To have your heart outside you.
To teach and learn so much every day.
To feel the shock of emotion in his cries, his yelps, his panting, his pride.
To love unconditionally.

Even if it’s not, this is all I will know of motherhood.
The love of a dog.
There were so many days when this was more than enough.
When you were more than enough and I felt the immense joy of you.
And then no comparisons were needed.